Wild Fire
by moonlite982
Summary: "They thought that trying to take what I loved most away from me would put out my flame but all they did was create a wild fire." Melanie Mellark, a victor of the 71st Hunger Games, thought her worst troubles were over but when the unthinkable happens she finds herself once again fighting for the ones she loves most. Only now, its on the other side of the screen.
1. (Prologue)Safe and Sound

_Hey everyone and welcome to my first HG fanfic :D First off, thank you taking time to give this story a chance. I would like to start off by saying that this story has been up for a while and though I didn't do any changes, I decided to add this little Prologue. Just because ;)_

Second note and this is **important**_: I will _**NOT**_ be going word by word, fact by fact from the book. There not be a lot of changes but most of them are little changes that don't really matter. This story is told in Peeta's older sister, Melanie, who is a victor from the 71st Hunger Games. There will be a few things that aren't understood at first but trust me I will reveal them later :D_

For all who have already started reading the previous chapters, thank you! Your support means a lot :D

With that said, Happy Reading!  


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__ **Prologue**

On a cool fall evening, a young girl with long blonde hair wandered over to the door that was slightly open. There was quite a commotion earlier this morning and the girl was ordered to go over to the neighbors until her father said otherwise. Confused and worried, she obeyed and went over with her brothers to Mrs. Williams's house. Mrs. William's was an older woman with smokey grey hair and a warm smile. She offered her warm milk and a story book to keep her occupied but it didn't take much for her to be distracted again.

What was going on next door? She didn't quite understand. Her oldest brother said something about a...baby? Her mother had said something about a baby before, that there was one in her tummy. That confused her even more. Did she eat it? She had wondered at first but when she asked her father chuckled and said no and then told her to put her hands on her mother's tummy. Something kicked her hand and she jumped and backed away, making her parents laugh. They then explained to her that it was her little brother kicking her hand. She was still curious but more so fascinated. She'd always wanted a little brother. She had been the youngest of three and it wasn't that she didn't love her brother's but they didn't pay much attention to her. She wanted a playmate that she too could talk to and play games with. Her parents explained that it would be a long time before she could play with him because he had to get bigger first. She still didn't understand that much but agreed anyway.

_Could all this commotion be because of her baby brother?_ _Was he finally here? _She wondered.

All day she waited and waited patiently. Endless thoughts running through her small brain. Then, finally, there was a knock at the door and her father appeared, grinning from ear to ear. She loved her father's smile. It was warm and welcoming and was always a good sign of something good that's happened. She quickly ran into his arms and gave him a big hug.

Mr. Mellark chatted for a moment with Mrs. Williams then thanked and proceeded out the door in pursuit of the house. The little girl asked him questions but he remained silent, still smiling. As they were entering the house, Mrs. Everdeen met them at the door.

"Your wife is doing nicely, Mr. Mellark. She's resting now." She said then smiled down at the curious eyes staring at her. "Congratulations on your little brother, Melanie. Would you like to come see him in a bit?" She asked her.

The little girl's eyes grew wide and looked up at her father who just smiled and shook his head. She smiled back at Mrs. Everdeen and nodded excitedly.

Mrs. Everdeen looked at the girl's father. "I'll have him ready in just a moment." She said then went into what Melanie had known as the guest room.

Mr. Mellark picked up his daughter and sat her down on the sofa. "I'll be back in a moment, darling. I have to take the bread out of the oven."

Melanie continued to wait until she started fidgeting, curiosity eating at her. Finally, she decided to take a peek for herself and try to figure out what's going on.

Making sure the coast was clear, she tip-toed to the guest door that was slightly open. She carefully peeked through the door. Inside she saw Mrs. Everdeen sitting down in a rocking chair and humming. In her arms was a tiny bundle. Melanie stood on her tippy toes, trying to figure out what exactly it was. From behind her, strong arms lifted her up and carried her into the room.

Mrs. Everdeen looked up and smiled warmly at the curious little girl. Melanie looked down and saw that inside the bundle was indeed a small baby with light blonde hair. Her eyes grew wide and she never took her gaze off the small new born. "Would you like to hold him?" Mrs. Everdeen asked.

Melanie looked to her father for permission in which he nodded then set her down in the rocking chair as Mrs. Everdeen got up. She showed Melanie the proper way to hold the baby and after a few tries she got him positioned just the right way. Melanie, scared at first, calmed down and immediately was attached to the sleeping baby in her arms.

Mrs. Everdeen smiled. "I'm going to leave you to it now. Let me know if you need anything." She whispered.

Mr. Mellark nodded then thanked her as she made her exit. He then turned his attention to his daughter who was now holding his new born son. He could tell by the way she was smiling down at him and humming softly that the two were going to be inseparable.

He kneeled down beside her and asked, "What are you thinking, sweetheart?"

She looked up and quietly answered, "I love him."

Mr. Mellark smiled, his heart warmed by the response. "His name is Peeta." He told her.

Her bright blue eyes lit up. "Peeta." She repeated happily then looked down at the baby. "I like it."

Mr. Mellark chuckled then asked, "Melanie, can I ask you to do something for me?"

"What is it, Daddy?" She asked curiously.

"Can you promise me that you'll always be there for your little brother?" He asked.

For a four year, she answered with a lot of sincerity. "Always." She whispered then looked back at the baby in her arms. "I'll always be there for you, Peeta."

From that day forward, Melanie kept her promise. As they grew older, Mr. Mellark's predictions came true and the two were inseparable. Sure, they had their arguments but Melanie was always faithful to her promise. She protected, comforted, laughed and encouraged Peeta day by day. She taught him new things and got him interested in things such as painting and drawing. When he was scared, she would tell him a story or sing until he fell asleep.

One night in particular, a thunderstorm was raging outside. The rain was pelting hard against the tin roof and the lightning was so bright that it lit up the room. A frightened seven year old Peeta came running into his sister's room and frantically tried to wake her up. "Melly! Melly!" He cried his sister's nickname.

Melanie jolted up, confused at first but then understood immediately when a loud crack of thunder shook the house. She quickly sat up and made room for him, which he gladly filled the space then wrapped his tiny arms around her waist and buried his face into her chest. "Shhh," she cooed softly. "It's ok, it's just a storm." She rocked him back and forth until he stopped shaking and until the storm calmed down.

When she finally got him settled, she walked him back to his room and tucked him into bed. Peeta was tired but still shaken up from the storm. She grabbed one of his hands and rested her other on his forehead, stroking it gently. Slowly but surely, he began to calm down. She then began to softly sing a lullaby that always seemed to do the trick on luring him to sleep.

"_Just close your eyes, the_ _sun is going down  
You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now  
Come morning light  
You and I'll be safe and sound…"_

Sure enough, the boy's eyes finally closed and a peaceful sleep overcame him once again. Melanie smiled and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead before leaving the room.

Countless nights this gesture was repeated. As they grew older, Melanie and Peeta faced tougher situations than thunderstorms. But no matter what happened, they were always there for each other. Melanie was faithful to her father's promise and was determined to keep it.

Little did she know that later on life would throw situations that would threaten everything and everyone that she loved. She would keep her promise but not without much sacrifice and a deadly battle that seemed like it would never end.

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**NO**, Peeta's sister is **NOT **Taylor Swift lol but I DO love the song and thought it be a sweet lullaby. It **is **important for future chapters. You'll find out later :) Thanks for reading so far!


	2. Not An Option

_Hey everyone! Welcome to my first Hunger Games story. This story has been on my mind for a while and a few doubts of posting and taking down, I decided to put it back up. Why not? :) This story follows Peeta's older sister Melanie Mellark as she faces the struggles of being a mentor. That's all I say for now. Thank you in advance to read my story and I hope you enjoy it :)_

_Happy reading!_

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The warm sun began to make its way up over the horizon, causing a bright light to shine through the curtains. I lay here wide awake, dreading the upcoming events that would take place later on today. Today was the day of the reaping for the annual 74th Hunger Games. Just the thought of it makes me shudder. My name is Melanie Mellark, 20 year old victor of the recent 71st Games or more likely a victim as I look at it, and for the past 3 years I've been a mentor for District 12's tributes. It was worse being in the Games. Sitting back, watching people you know and love being slaughtered on live television and there's nothing you can do but hope and watch helplessly. Although my tributes have made it farther than they have in the past, no one has survived and each year the guilt multiplied and made it heavier to bare. The Games were nothing compared to what I was forced to face now.

8 o'clock struck and almost at the same time, my alarm clock went off along with the most annoying familiar knock resounding on the other side of my door. "Melanie!" the voice shouted. "Time to wake up, up, up! We have a very busy day ahead of us!"

I rolled my eyes, not sharing the same enthusiasm. Effie Trinket was the last person I wanted to see this early in the morning. Yet the only thing to do was to go ahead and get everything over with. Not wasting another second, I flung the covers off and went to the bathroom where my three stylists, Flavius, Venia and Octavia were waiting for me.

"Good morning, Melanie!" The trio exclaimed when I came through the door.

I couldn't help but offer a friendly smile. I have no reason to be mad at any of them. They were oblivious to everything that was really going on. They're part of the Capitol. To them, this was their job and they enjoyed every minute of it. But as much as I disliked being dressed up, I didn't mind their endless chatter to keep my mind off of other things.

But no matter how much I tried, it was impossible to completely block out what was to come. I didn't even want to think about how the arena was going to be this year. Each year they seem to get worse. Not to mention the tributes. Which family this year would it be to suffer the loss of their children?

"Which color?" a voice broke through my thoughts.

I shook my head. "I'm sorry, what?" I asked.

Octavia smiled sweetly and showed me a few choices of color for my nails. I returned the smile and picked a light blue to compliment my blouse and sandals along with my black dress pants. My light brown hair was pulled half way up and there just enough make up to bring out my bright blue eyes. Dressy yet still simple and comfortable. I had to admit, the prep team knew what I liked and respected my opinion. Cinna taught them well.

Cinna was their head stylist and one of my best friends. It was his kindness and support that kept me from falling apart during my Games. He gave me the strength to fight and constantly reminded me what or rather who I was fighting for. He was there after I won and with me during her mentoring. What I wouldn't do for him to be here right this moment.

Once they were all done, they backed up and let me see the final product. Not bad at all. "Thank you all." I responded after seeing myself in the mirror.

Venia smiled. "Thank Cinna. He picked everything out as always."

As if on cue, Flavius's cell phone rang. After looking to see who it was, he handed it to me, which I gladly took it as I knew exactly who it was. "Good morning." I greeted my dear friend.

"Good morning." He replied. "How do you like your outfit?"

"It's nice and comfortable. Thank you." I answered a bit shortly. Normally I'd go into more detail but this morning just wasn't my morning. Worry and anxiety were getting the best of me and something just felt wrong. There was a knot in the pit of my stomach that I couldn't get rid of and that bothered me.

"You ok?" Cinna asked, knowing that something was wrong.

"No." I answered honestly. "I don't want to go through this again."

"I understand but you're not going through it alone. Stay strong and hang in there. It'll be over soon." He tried to comfort me but even Cinna there was nothing he could do to calm my anxiety.

"Not soon enough." I mumbled.

"We'll get through this, Melanie. Just like we do every year. Now I gotta go and so do you but I'll see you soon."

"See you later." I replied, my hands shaking as I hung up. Why did he have to go so soon?

As I took a deep breath, Octavia placed a gentle hand on my shoulder. "We finished in great time. You have an hour before you have to go to the Justice Building."

I knew what she was implying and decided to use my time wisely. As I went to go outside to clear her head, Effie's voice pierced the air. "Melanie, where are you going?" she asked as she clunked down the stairs in her 4 inch tacky heels.

"Not far." I answered shortly. "I'll be back soon."

"Well, do hurry, dear! I don't like to be late and we have still have a busy day!"

I nodded and nearly slammed the door behind me. I couldn't stand to be around that woman any longer. Anything that reminded me of the Capitol, I wanted nothing to do with it. I found myself running as fast as I could, not sure of my destination. All I knew was that I didn't want to be in the empty Victor's Village. That placed haunted me like the plague because I knew what you had to do in order to live there and that intensified the weight of shame on my shoulders.

I ran and ran, desperate to get away from all the terrors that were chasing me. I finally collapsed on the ground under an apple tree that was on the edge of the meadow and for the first time in a while, I allowed myself to cry. It took me a while to realize where I was. This particular apple tree happened to also be the grave of my best friend, Sara Cartwright, who died last year in the Hunger Games. This realization didn't offer any comfort at all. In fact, it made it worse and I wish for nothing more for her to be here.

Sara was 18 years old and had her whole life ahead of her. She loved children and wanted to be a teacher. She had been so close to winning, making it down to the final two. Yet it wasn't close enough, for one false move had ended her life. I've never forgiven myself. She left behind her parents and sister, Delly, which I couldn't even look in the eye any more. I hadn't talked to her in ages. Though they never blamed me, it still haunted my dreams. It wasn't fair. Out of all people, they had to choose her. It's moment like this that I wish I hadn't survived.

"I'm sorry." I cried as I traced the letters of the headstone with my finger. "I'm so sorry."

"Mel?" a familiar voice filled my ears.

I lifted my head and looked into my brother's eyes. "Hey Peeta." I whispered hoarsely. I was a little shocked to see him here. "How did you know I was here?"

Peeta knelt down beside me. "Gut feeling." He replied. "I figured it wasn't best to not let you deal with this alone. Especially not today."

I nodded and looked back to the grave. He was right. I really didn't want to be alone and if there was anyone I'd want to go through this with, it'd be Peeta, for we've been through so much together. No one knew me better than he did and likewise. He was the only reason why I was here right now.

I remembered after I was reaped, when we were in what I called the Goodbye room. It was one of the most heartbreaking of my life. I can still feel his arms my waist and hear his desperate pleas for me to come home. I had promised him that I would, not knowing for sure if I'd be able to keep that promise. But how could I not? I was the only one he really had to be there for him. My father was there but not really involved in our lives. My 3 other brothers could care less. And my mother…well, I could say a lot about her but none of it would be pleasant. I couldn't leave him behind with them. I had to come home or least keep my promise to try. And I did but it cost me everything.

"You were right." I confirmed. "It's barely started and I've already lost it."

Peeta laid a gentle hand on my knee. "You still blame yourself, don't you?"

"How can I not?" she asked numbly.

"Mel, it wasn't your fault." He whispered.

My eyes watered badly and my voice shook as I confessed my guilt to my brother. "If I'd been a better mentor, she'd still be here. It was my responsibility to bring her home."

"Mel, look at me." Peeta said firmly.

Just lifting my head seemed like a difficult task but I obeyed and looked into the intense blue eyes staring back at me. "It's not your fault." He said slowly. "You did everything you could and because of you, she got so close. If she hadn't tripped, she'd probably be here. Everybody knows that. Even Delly knows that. She doesn't blame you. Nobody does."

A flashback of that final day replayed in my mind. Sara had been so close. Down to the final two, it was between her and a boy from District 2. I remembered how tense everyone was while watching the final battle. A graphic sword fight between the two ended when Sara lost her footing and fell. Even the sickening thud of the blade going through her heart remained implanted in my memory. I remembered the panicked scream that erupted from my throat and Haymitch's attempt to shield my eyes by pulling me to his shoulder. But I'd already seen it and all I could do was cling onto him for dear life.

It was all too fresh in my mind.

Peeta was at the Cartwright's house with Delly and her parents. He told me about the bone chilling scream coming from her mother. Her father had flinched away and fell to his knees sobbing. Delly was in shock and it didn't hit her until after they named the victor. She started sobbing and rambling how it couldn't be it true. He said it was one of the most heart breaking sights he'd ever witnessed. I'm kind of glad I wasn't there.

I remember coming home. Delly and her family were there to greet me like always. Delly fell into my arms and we held each other while we both cried. I apologized nonstop and though they all tried to assure me it wasn't my fault and that they didn't blame me, I refused to believe it.

The funeral was about 2 weeks later and they buried Sara underneath the apple tree, which was her favorite place to be. They tried to make it a little more light hearted because that's the way Sara had wanted it to be. We shared memories, both good and bad. Towards the end, at Sara's last request, I gave Delly Sara's necklace, which was a heart shaped locket with pictures of her parents and of Delly and Sara. Delly broke down after that, though she tried her best not to. We all did. Nothing was the same after Sara's death. We lost someone so special and precious to us all. She was someone who was so lively and vibrant, even after she was reaped. Though she went through so much, she didn't let the Games change who she was. If she killed someone, it was all in self-defense. She had made allies and wept over them whenever they were killed. She was one of the most caring people I'd ever met. I trusted her with my life. She had gotten me through so much. Losing her was terrible loss for everyone. I couldn't stand to look at her family. Every now and then I'd see them in town and say a "Hello" but other than that, no other words were exchanged.

Peeta had stayed countless nights with me after the funeral. I had the worst nightmares and barely got any sleep. It took months before I was able to stay by myself again and even then he hated leaving me alone. I had shut down for about a month and refused to answer the phone or the door. Peeta had to force his way in to make sure I was still alive. He knew it had taken a huge toll on me. He worried about me constantly. I'd probably be worried if I were in his shoes too. There's only so much one soul can take.

I began to shake as I looked back at my friend's grave. "Sometimes I wish I had never survived." I confessed. "It'd be easier than carrying all this guilt. I wouldn't be such a burden on everyone."

Peeta grabbed my hand, forcing him to look at him. I knew my words stung but I couldn't help it. "Don't ever say that again." He whispered.

"It's true, Peeta. You know it is." I insisted.

"No!" He practically yelled, making me flinch. "No, it's not. Do you have any idea how I'd be if you hadn't made it out?"

"You'd survive. Delly did." She whispered.

Peeta stopped short, rubbed his temple and sighed. "Yeah but you know she's still struggling."

I shrugged. "It happens. It always will as long as these Games go on." I said bitterly.

"Mel," he whispered brokenly.

"What's the point, really?" I continued. "To be here, I mean. I'm here but I'm only a shell of who I used to be. I killed 15 people in my Games. 15. That's over half, Peeta. Not just people but kids. 12 and 13 year olds. And I can't even bring one home in return! I've watched 4 of my tributes die. My best friend's blood is on my hands. Do you have any idea how awful that is? I have to live with that! I can't change it and I hate that I can't. I'm so selfish. I can't even give up my own life for someone else's and I can't bring my tributes home." I stopped to catch my breath. This was hard. I'd never really confessed to Peeta how I truly felt. In my mind, I knew what I did but saying it out loud made me realize something more. I looked at Peeta. "Peeta…I'm…I'm a murderer." I said in a shaky voice.

This realization brought tears flooding down my face and the pain and guilt was radiating off of me like nothing else. I felt like the scum of the earth right this moment. I felt bad spewing all my pain on him but if I didn't get it out then I don't what I'd do. It's like poison…a deadly poison threatening to kill me if I didn't get it out. I knew Peeta's heart ached for me badly. He didn't know how to take my pain. How could he? He couldn't even imagine going through what I've gone through and I don't want him too. Deep down I knew he needed me but as I said before, I'm only a shell of who I used to be. He's been there for me more than I have for him since I've been back. I hated that it turned out that way.

In the midst of my brokenness, Peeta pulled me into arms and held me to his chest. Not wasting another second, I wrapped my arms around his waist and cried. Let all the poison out. He rocked me back and forth the way I used to when he was younger. This was the greatest comfort anyone could offer me. No words were needed. I didn't want to hear it anyways. I just wanted to be held.

"I'm sorry." I cried into his chest, releasing the final words I needed to say. "I'm sorry I haven't been there for you since I've been back. I didn't mean to abandon you. I'm sorry."

"Shhh." He whispered as his arms tightened around me. "Stop blaming yourself. It's not your fault. I'm not angry, I promise."

I breathed a sigh of relief and a little bit of the weight lifted off for I knew Peeta and his promises were genuine. It made this burden a little easier to bare.

After a while, we let go and backed away from each other. "Mel, you've got to move on. I hate seeing you like this." Peeta said quietly.

"How?" I asked curiously. "How do I move on?"

Peeta thought for a moment then replied. "How did feel when you were in the Games?"

I shrugged. "Terrified." I answered honestly.

"Terrified but determined." He pointed out. "Melanie, you're one of the strongest people I know. You're a fighter and a survivor despite what life throws at you. Treat your past like the Games. You're terrified but move on with determination to survive. If not for yourself, then for me, for your friends and for your tributes. We need you." He paused for a moment and looked into my eyes. "And Mel, if you take anything from today, take this. You're not a victim. You're a victor."

His words gave me a new strength that I hadn't had before. They were filled with truth and with wisdom. I knew he was right. If any of my tributes stood a chance, then they had to see that there was hope.

I looked at Peeta and felt a new fire inside. "Looks like someone is coming home this year." I said confidently.

Peeta smiled. "That's the big sister I know."

I laughed then looked into his eyes. "Thank you. For everything." I said meaningfully.

"You can do this. I believe in you." He encouraged me then got to his feet and helped me up.

I looked down at my best friend's grave. "This is for you, Sara." I whispered.

Peeta laid a hand on my shoulder. "She's proud of you." He said.

Before I could reply, the honk of a car horn startled us both. "Melanie, it's time to go! We're going to be late!" Effie shouted from the car.

I turned back to Peeta, with just a hint of fear in my eyes. He wrapped me in one last hug. "It's going to be ok. I love you." He whispered in my ear.

"I love you, too." I whispered in a shaky voice then released my grip and started walking towards the car.

"Hey, Mel!" Peeta called out as I reached the car door. I looked back. "Stay strong." He said in a firm voice.

"Always." I replied with determination.

Then with one more final glance, I stepped into the car and motioned for the driver to continue his journey to the Justice Building. Beside me was Haymitch Abernathy, my fellow mentor, who was ignoring Effie's chatter about me being late.

"Ready for another year, sweetheart?" He asked, alcohol thick on his breath.

I sighed. "Yes."

"Are you gonna hold yourself together or should I go ahead and get your grave ready?"

I flinched at his words. Haymitch, like Peeta, tried to help me. He understood, after all. He's gone through more times than I can count. But he handled his grief differently. I handled mine with sleeping all day, painting horrific scenes from the Games and ignoring the world all together. Haymitch…he handled his grief with booze. But he tried to help me. He tried calling me. He tried talking to me. I ignored him. Just like I did everyone else. But there was one thing I remembered that he'd said to me that didn't faze me until today and inspired my answer to his question.

"You didn't save my ass for nothin', so I guess I'm in for the long run."

He smirked at my answer. "Now you listen to me." He chuckled then looked into my eyes. "And what if they don't make it this year either?"

"One of them is coming home." I replied stubbornly.

Haymitch's eyebrows furrowed together. "And what makes you so sure?"

My answer was automatic. "Because death is not an option."

Haymitch nodded his head, tipped his bottle then looked back at me. "Well, this will be a year that no one will ever forget."

His words had more meaning than he would ever know.

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To be continued! Will be updated in a few days. Excuse any mistakes, I forgot to proof read :P Thanks for reading so far :)


	3. Unexpected Tributes

_***sorry if you're following this story and notified you that there was a new chapter. I just had to fix something real quick :P sorry! BUT new chapter tomorrow evening! :D Please review. I love feedback! :)"_

Hey everyone and welcome back! Thanks to those who have read so far :) and Happy(late)Thanksgiving! :)  


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The moment came where we finally made it to the most dreaded building imaginable. I hated this place with a passion. Children between the ages of 12 and 18 were already lining up and getting their blood drawn. I see hundreds of familiar faces. There's 14 year old Lacey Williams, our neighbor. There's 12 year old Anthony Evens, son of a coal miner. Then there's Delly and my old friend Sam. All of them in danger. One slip could sentence them to death and they knew that. The fear was evident on each and every face. Mere minutes were counting down. I wondered who it would be. I could only pray that a 12 year old didn't get chosen. I've done that once and it was awful. My only hope was that whoever was chosen would be strong and teachable.

Once we got out of the car, I looked at Haymitch and he sighed. "I'll stand by the mayor. You talk to the families." He knew my thoughts exactly.

I've been on stage once and thought I was going to faint. It was too much. Talking to the families was a little easier. A little. Haymitch has been gracious enough to take his place on stage like he has since he won his Games.

"Thank you, Haymitch." I whispered.

He nodded and we made our way into the building. A peacekeeper greeted us and showed us to our stations. Mine was waiting in a fancy room until the tributes had been chosen and had spoken to their families. By then, the tributes would be waiting on the train for Haymitch and I.

I sighed and opened the door. I felt a hand pat my shoulder and looked around to see Haymitch offering a soft, small smile. I returned it and nodded. It was like our way of saying, "here goes another year."

Now, the waiting began. In about half an hour, Effie would come get me and show me to the families rooms. I sat on the overstuffed chair and opened up the dresser that was next to it. I smirked at seeing that one of my sketch pads was still there, in the exact same place that I left it. Drawing was the only thing that could calm my nerves right now. Peeta and I shared that trait. I smiled thinking of my brother and a memory of laughing and messing up the bakery popped into my mind. We had dough and flour all over the place. Mother was mad but Dad thought it was funny. I think we had just as much fun cleaning up as we did messing it up. The good days. I hoped that we could have them again soon.

Without having to think, my hand went to work fast and swiftly began to draw out the scene. Everything else faded away. Nothing else mattered right now. It was just me and the drawing that was now coming to life. Every little detail mattered. Especially the joy that radiated all over us and the flour that was plastered in our hair. It was soothing to sketch a good memory. I almost forgot where I was. Almost…

Finally, I put down my piece of charcoal and blew off the remaining dust. Not bad. Not bad at all. I smiled at my work and decided to tear this page out and keep it. I'd give it to Peeta before I left. He always waited for me in a hallway after I talked to the families. It was tradition.

Despite everything that was going on, I felt a little better knowing that Peeta was there for me. He was worth living for and this year I was determined to make of most the time I had with him and be thankful. I was going to take back my role as his big sister and be there for him to protect him and to encourage him as he's encouraged me.

I grabbed a pen and wrote a short but meaningful note on the back

_"Thank you for always being there to laugh and cry with me. You'll always be my little brother and my best friend._

Love always,  
your big sis,  
Melanie."

I smiled to myself and neatly folded the picture and stuck it in my pocket. Just I did so, a knock on the door startled me. Effie walked in and quietly announced that it was time to meet the families. Why is she so quiet? I wondered. That wasn't normal. Normally she's all bubbly about this year's Games.

"Where's Haymitch?" I asked curiously when I noticed he wasn't there.

Effie looked annoyed. "He had a drunken fit then made a fool out of me and himself and fell off the stage."

I stopped short. "Is he ok?"

"Yes, yes, he's fine, just passed at the moment. He's already been taken to the train." Effie said shortly.

I eyed her suspiciously as we walked down the hallway. This isn't like her. Normally you can't get her to shut up. And Haymitch…he normally could care less what happens around him. For him to make that big of a scene…something had to really upset him.

What's going on?

Before I could ask further, I was at the door of the first tribute. The girl's family. Instinct kicked in and I took a deep breath and walked in. But as I did so, I noticed something else. Effie didn't tell me who the tributes were. Now something was really wrong…

As I opened the door, I was greeted with a heartbreaking sight. A little girl was clinging onto her mother who looked numb and a young man sat in a chair with his face in his hands. I recognized them to be the Everdeens, a poor family from the seam. My heart sank. There was one Everdeen that wasn't present in the room. Katniss Everdeen. I didn't know her that well but there was one memory that haunted my thoughts from time to time.

_It was after a terrible accident happened in the mines. There were many deaths, including Katniss and Prim's father. They were left helpless and barely surviving. I desperately wanted to help them but Mother refused to let me._

One day, it was raining pretty hard and I was in the kitchen with Peeta. I noticed he was standing at the window with a concerned look on his face.

_"Peeta, what's wrong?" I asked as I came to his side._

_As I followed his line of sight, I saw the image of an eleven year old Katniss digging through our trash can. My heart broke. I wished she'd come before the trash had been emptied. Before I could say anything, Mother came crashing through the kitchen with a broom. Instinctively, I pushed Peeta out of the way but Mother pushed past us and opened the door and started yelling at Katniss. Poor thing was startled but gently put the lid back on up the trash then backed away slowly. Mother huffed and rambled on and on about the nasty, greedy seam kids digging through the trash. I glared at her as she walked past us. We had plenty to offer and would still be ok on our sales._

_When she was gone, we looked out the window and saw Katniss sitting with her back to a tree. I'll never forget how defeated, hopeless, scared and frail she looked. She was going to die if something wasn't done._

_Peeta looked at me with begging eyes. "We've got to do something."_

_I nodded in agreement and pulled out the bread that had been baking. Peeta, without second thought, threw them into the fire._

_"Peeta, are you insane?!" I exclaimed._

_As he took the loaves out, there was no saving them. They were burnt and unsellable. But the look he gave me…he knew what he was getting into and did what he had to do._

_"What have you done?!" Mother yelled at Peeta._

_I quickly pushed him behind me. "It was an accident!" I defended him but it was no use. She grabbed my arm and threw me to the side. I slammed into the wall and looked just in time to see her fist slam into his face, causing him to fall to the ground with a loud thud. No matter how much I begged her, she wouldn't stop. Then she grabbed the burned bread, which was still hot and threw it at him._

_""Feed it to the pig, you stupid creature! Why not? No one decent will buy burned bread!" She yelled at him then stormed back into the other room._

_Once she was gone, I scrambled over to Peeta and helped him up. He winced visibly and held a hand to his cheek. There was a huge welt where she hit him. Anger swelled up inside me but Peeta quietly picked up the loaves of bread, dusted them off with his hand and went outside. I watched him as he threw the worst burnt pieces to the pigs then made eye contact with the young, starving girl. Looking back at me for permission, I nodded my approval. With that, he threw the bread to her, stared at her for a moment then closed the door behind him._

_She was shocked. She didn't quite know what to do at first. But slowly but surely, she got up and gathered the loaves of bread. She saw me through the window and I offered a small smile in approval. She smiled back then ran off._

_After I made sure she was gone, I turned to Peeta who was sitting in a chair and rubbing the welt on his cheek. I went over and pulled his hand away. The welt had swollen quite a bit. I quickly ran to the freezer and got some ice and put it in a small bag then came back to his side. I got on my knees and gently pressed the ice to his cheek._

_He finally made eye contact with me and whispered, "I couldn't let her die."_

_"I know." I sighed. "But there could've been a better way."_

_Peeta shook his head. "We would've gotten in trouble any way we went about it."_

_He was right, of course. "Yeah but I hate you getting beat because of it." I said somberly._

_I'll never forget how serious he looked when he answered. "It was worth it."_

_And that was the end of the conversation. All I could do was nod and continue to treat his battle wound._

His bravery saved that whole family.I would see them from time to time while in town. They'd stop at the bakery and look at the cakes we'd made. Every once in a while I'd make a few extra cookies for them when Mother wasn't there. When Katniss was older, she'd come in and trade with my father. She looked much different than the poor starving girl that I'd seen that day. She looked healthier and more determined than before to keep her family alive. I knew then that she was a fighter and a survivor.

But it still broke my heart that she's been chosen. If she was going to make it, she'd have to fight with all she had.

I shook my head, bringing myself out of my past memories then thought about what I was going to say. I looked at the mother, who was trying to console Prim. My eyes watered.

"Mrs. Everdeen." I got her attention and she slowly looked up with red eyes. What do you say in a moment like this? "I'm sorry this happened to you." I started.

She nodded silently and tried not to let her tears fall she rubbed Prim's back.

"She volunteered." The man in the corner spoke up.

"What?" I asked, clearly bewildered.

When he lifted his head, I recognized him to be Gale Hawthorn, one of Katniss's friends and the one other person who traded with my father. He looked at me with intense gray-blue eyes. "Katniss, she volunteered." He said quietly.

"For who?" I asked, now outraged. No one has _ever _volunteered here before. What on earth caused her to make such a crazy decision?

He nodded towards the little girl who was crying in her mother's arms. "For Prim." His voice cracked.

I was stunned. "She was chosen?" I whispered in Prim's direction.

The tears finally fell from his eyes as answered a soft "Yes."

I looked to the mother and she nodded sadly in agreement. Tears threatened my own eyes. I was at a loss for words. Nobody has ever been faithful enough to take their sibling's place in the Hunger Games. Ever. Katniss's life is once again hanging in the balance of life and death.

I sighed. This was going to be a hard game to play.

I turned my attention to Prim. "Prim," I spoke her name softly and she looked at me with sad, swollen eyes. Once she realized who I was, she flung her frail arms around my waist and cried even harder. My heart cracked more as I held her. Everyone in the room looked so helpless. This was never easy.

After a few moments, I pulled away, kneeled in front of her and took her hands in mine. "It's my fault." She cried. "It was supposed to be me."

I shook my head. "No, it wasn't your fault. What your sister did for you was very brave. The Games is no place for you to be." I whispered.

"What about Katniss?" She asked worriedly.

"Katniss has a chance. She's strong and she knows how to hunt. She's very smart. She's a fighter and a survivor. And I know she'd do anything for you." I tried reassure but Prim was smart too and she knew that the odds were against them.

I looked her in the eyes and made a promise I vowed to keep. "I promise you that I will do everything that I can to help her. I'll teach her everything I know. She won't go in there unprepared. But you have to believe in her and no matter what happens, you have to be strong for her, ok?"

Prim sniffed then wiped away her tears and nodded. "Ok." She answered bravely.

I pulled her into my arms and held her for a little longer. "I promise." I whispered over and over in her ear.

Finally, we pulled away and I wiped my tears away and stood up, knowing my time was up. My thoughts were confirmed by the peacekeeper knocking on the door. I turned back to the family one more time. "I promise I'll all do everything I can."

"Thank you." Their mother whispered softly.

As I started to walk away, Gale spoke up. "Melanie," I looked back. "We're sorry for you too." He said sadly and Prim and her mother sadly nodded in agreement.

I was about to ask why but the peacekeeper ushered me quickly out of the room before I could say anything.

But what did he mean by that? I wondered.

Then I noticed Effie wasn't there anymore. What was going on? Nothing was making sense.

"Make it quick." The peacekeeper said once we got to the second tribute's room.

Not wasting another second, I opened the door and was greeted by the last people I wanted to see. My family.

"What are you doing here?" I asked bluntly. They remained silent.

Everyone was there. My parents and all my brothers except….

Oh no.

It all made sense now. Haymitch's break down. Effie's strange silence and disappearance. Gale's apology.

Peeta, my brother, has been chosen for the 74th Hunger Games.

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_Uh oh...To be continued! :)_


	4. Hope That's Hairline Thin

**UPDATE/AN: **Alrighty, I see I have a few issues I need to clear up since I posted this earlier. A couple of you have commented on how I'm not exactly going word for word by the book. Rumors are true ladies and gentlemen, I am not. Though I'm not going full course off of it, this story IS a little different from the original. Example: Cinna's first year in THIS story was the 71st which would've been Melanie's year. I have purpose for changing that, however, Cinna will still be with Katniss even though his prep helped Melanie in beginning which was her request. Along with that, the issue with Melanie not being at the reapings, I didn't over look that, neither did President Snow. Be patient! Everything that I do different is for a reason and what doesn't make sense now will be revealed later on. If you have questions, ask and I will gladly clear them as long as they don't give anything away. But again, I am not going word by word, fact by fact. Things will be a little bit different. But nevertheless, thank you for your reviews so far.

*****So sorry for those who got notifications of chapters being put up and taken down. I messed up on trying t_o_ add the prologue :P Which reminds me, a prologue has been ADDED :)*****

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"No...no!" I shook my head in denial. I looked at my father. "Please tell me it's not him." I begged.

His helpless look only confirmed my suspicions. Panicked, I ran out the door, past the peacekeeper and into the hallway where Peeta always met me. "Peeta!" I screamed his name frantically over and over but I was never answered. I ran all over the place looking for him until I was faced with the image I never, ever wanted to see.

Two peacekeepers were escorting Peeta, Katniss and Effie down the hallway that led to the train. I ran, screaming all the way until I reached them. A peacekeeper grabbed me by the arm and held him back. "No! No! You can't take him!" I cried.

"I'm sorry, Melanie." Effie said sadly.

"No, Effie! Take him back!" I yelled at her.

"You know I can't do that, Melanie. What's done is done. I'm sorry." She replied firmly

"Bullshit!" I screamed, making her eyes go big. "He has no business being here. He's my brother. He's supposed to be protected."

Effie shook her head. "_You _are protected. You don't have to worry about a thing. Your family, however, was not protected. Unfortunately, they still had to be in the reaping." She bluntly corrected me. I wanted to smack her across the face.

I was shaking all over. This couldn't be true. All these years my brother was in danger and I had no clue until now. I looked at Peeta and you could tell he was terrified and concerned for us both. Katniss watched us with a look of sympathy. I'd almost forgotten about her and her situation with her family. The promises that I'd made them. What was I going to do?

Tears flooded my vision. "Effie, please. Please don't this." I begged her.

I knew it wasn't her choice but I still couldn't help myself. I was desperate.

Her face softened a bit. "I'm sorry, Melanie. Truly, I am but I can't change the rules." She said sympathetically.

"Mel," Peeta spoke my name softly and stepped up. His eyes were a shimmery blue. "It's ok. Go see our family. We don't have much time and they need you now."

I didn't know what to do. I felt absolutely helpless. All I could was follow orders. This can't be happening…it just…can't.

Without further words, I took off running down the hallway. I was frantic. I felt like I was in a nightmare and I couldn't wake up. My breathing was labored and I felt like my heart going to beat out of my chest. I was shaking and I couldn't control it. I was going to break any second now.

Before I knew it, I was at the door of the second guest room but when I opened it, all I found was my father sitting in a chair who looked up when I barged in the door. Instantly he was up and I ran into arms. He wrapped his arms around me and I sobbed into his chest. "Daddy, I don't know what to do." I cried.

"Shhhh." He cooed. "It's going to be alright."

"No, it's not. It's over." I sobbed.

"It's not over yet, darling." He whispered. "It's going to be ok. We're going to get through this."

That's where I broke down and if it hadn't been for my father's strong hands holding me up, I would've fallen right there. But he stayed with me, just like he always had and wept with me. I could feel him shaking slightly beneath me and his tears dampened my hair.

"Why did it have to be him?" I wailed into his chest, though I knew he couldn't answer me. "I've already done this; he shouldn't have to do this too. I don't understand!"

"I know, sweetheart." He whispered.

"I wish I'd never made it." I confessed bitterly. "I wish I'd let them kill me."

Dad pulled away and put his hands on my shoulders. "Don't ever say that again." His voice shook.

I looked into his icy blue eyes. "But it's true. There was no point in winning. There was no point in killing all those children. There was no point in keeping Peeta's promise. It's all worthless now."

He took my face in his hands, forcing me to look at him. "Listen to me carefully, Melanie. You did what you had to do. Not just for Peeta but for me, your friends and the other tributes. Don't ever think that you did this for nothing."

"Dad, I did it for Peeta. I did it because he begged me to come home. I didn't plan on it. I didn't want to. Now look what happened. There was no reason for it."

"You make it seem like you coming back was a bad thing." He whispered sadly then took a deep breath. "Melanie, you don't know how much it meant to Peeta to see you on that train platform. He was a mess during those Games. He was so young and you meant everything to him. He needed you and despite all the odds you came home."

I sighed, frustrated. He wasn't getting the point. "But none of that matters now. It never did. I wasn't there for him when I came back. I was never the same. You can't deny that." I paused, letting the guilt pierce my heart. "I wasted the extra time I got with him. I never, ever thought this could happen. If I'd known it was even a possibility I would've at least taught him everything I knew. I would've taught him how to fight and survive. He wouldn't be so helpless. I would've taken advantage of time. But instead I wasted my time wallowing in my self-pity." I looked at my father, whose tears were threatening to spill at any second. "I let him down. I let all of you down."

My father's eyes softened as his gentle hands wiped away my tears and spoke firmly. "You've never let any of us down, Melanie. Ever. I don't want you to carry that burden. There was no way of knowing this would happen. None of us thought it would. There so many things we all would've done differently if we knew what was going to happen but it's done now. You can't go back and I don't want you carrying that burden any more. Peeta is still alive and he needs you now more than ever. You have to be there for him like you've always been. Do you understand?"

I swallowed hard and nodded. "Yes, sir." I replied calmly. However, there was one thing that I do remember. "Daddy, what about Katniss? I promised her family I'd do everything I could to help her. But that was before I knew about Peeta…"

He thought about that for a moment before speaking. "Don't do anything different from what you have with your past tributes. When you step onto that train, Katniss is no longer your friend and Peeta is no longer your brother. They are your tributes that are under your responsibility to train and do everything you can to prepare them for the arena. Focus on getting them sponsors but more importantly, give them hope. Give them a reason to fight, no matter how hard it gets. Encourage them, be there for them when they need advice or need someone that will sit and listen or when they just need a shoulder to cry on. Be someone they can confide in. The Games take a toll not just physically but mentally. You know that. Build them up then send them out. That's the best thing that you can do for them." He paused for a moment, thinking before continuing with one last piece of advice that I'll admit I had trouble with. "One more thing, Melanie and this is very important. Whatever you do, do not show favoritism."

I gave him a bewildered look. "What do you mean?" I asked.

He returned a sharp look that I barely ever saw. It was one of those looks I only saw when we were about to sneak cookie dough or put a cock-roach in Mother's soup. He meant business. "You know exactly what I mean, Melanie. Peeta is your brother and I understand you're going to do everything you can for him. But please, whatever you do, don't show favoritism. That will guarantee his death from the start. You don't want to cause jealousy, bitterness or strife. The Capitol is going to be all over this. If they question you, tell them both your tributes mean a lot to you and you're doing your best to help them prepare. If you're ever not sure, think of Katniss and Prim. You were in their shoes not too long. You can relate to their pain. Keep your promise and do what you can to help her. Understood?"

His words were firm, sincere and wise. I understood where he was coming from and I agreed with his statement. There's going to be a lot of hype over malicious victor Melanie Mellark's brother going into the arena. They expect a lot and I'll make sure they get what they want but I will not neglect Katniss. I'm not that heartless. I was raised better than that. "I understand." I replied as I heeded his advice.

I looked at the clock and winced at the time. It was time to leave.

My breathing quickened and I began to panic. My father quickly wrapped me in one more embrace. "It's going to be ok, Melanie. You're going to get through this. You're brave, strong, intelligent and compassionate. You have everything it takes to properly mentor these kids. I firmly believe one of them has a good chance of coming home this year." He pulled away and looked at me one last time. "And I believe in you."

Tears escaped from my eyes and he wiped them away. I didn't want to leave. I wanted to go home…but was so faraway right now.

A knock startled me, causing me to jump. A peacekeeper opened the door. "Miss Mellark, it's time." He announced.

I nodded then faced my father and gave him one last hug. He kissed me on the forehead then released me. "I love you." He whispered softly.

I choked back a sob and replied, "I love you, too." Then my feet turned and reluctantly made their way to the door.

I looked back one last time at my father who stood there with a sympathetic smile. My father…who was gentle in every way. My father…the caring one. My father…the protective one. My father…my hero and strength. My father…the one I had to leave behind.

Out of all us, I realized Peeta was almost a spitting image of our father. Not just physically but everything else. Gentle, caring, warm, protective, and brave, all these things they shared but Peeta was also his own person. He wouldn't go down without a fight.

_"Don't give up on him just yet."_Our father's words echoed in my ear.

And for the first time, I had a little bit of hope…even if it was just a spark.

With that final thought, I followed the peacekeeper down the hallway, towards the train that held my tributes that would be in the 74th Hunger Games.

As we neared the exit, a familiar voice shouted my name, jerking me out of my thoughts. Both me and the peacekeeper, who now looked really annoyed, turned to see none other than Gale Hawthorne running down the hallway.

"Gale?" I approached him, ignoring the peacekeepers complaints. "What are you doing here?"

He was out of breath by the time he reached me. I gave him a second to recover. "I…you…I had to return something to you." He gasped.

I made sure I gave my best puzzled look. "What do you mean?" I asked.

He reached into his pocket and held out a folding piece of paper. "I didn't mean to snoop or anything but I didn't know what it was at first until I looked at it." He looked at me with sad eyes. "I figured this was important to you."

Curiously, I took the piece of paper from his hand and opened it. As I did my hand covered my mouth and tears returned to their normal place. It was the picture I drew while waiting to find out who the tributes were. Peeta's smiling; carefree face came to view as he prepared to throw more flour at me. The flour that was literally all over the place, from top to bottom. Oh how I wish I could go back.

Time stood still as I held the picture to my chest like a little girl. I looked at Gale with puffy red eyes. "Where did you find it?" I asked.

"A few feet from the room your family was in." He answered quietly.

I nodded. "It must have fallen out when I ran down the hallway." I concluded. "Thank you for returning it."

He smiled. "You're welcome." He replied then looked down for a moment. It was clear he wasn't finished with his mission."

"Gale," I spoke his name. "Is there something else?"

He sighed wearily then met eyes. "I'm not good with words but I wanted to say I'm sorry this happened to you. I…Katniss…it's hard enough seeing one of my best friends going into the arena. Prim and her mom…they're sorry too. They're genuinely concerned about you." Tears made their appearance in Gales eyes, making them shine. If it wasn't for the pain that was seen so clearly in them, I'd call them beautiful. "I can't imagine it. Seeing one of my brothers go in there…I don't know if I could handle that."

I remained silent, not knowing how to respond to his words. The soft pitter patter of fresh tears hitting his shirt got my attention. He looked so…broken. It looked like he was carrying the weight of the world. "I should've been a little braver, you know. I knew exactly who he was to you and how much you sacrificed to get home. Not to mention all that your family has done for us. I could've taken his place…but I was too scared." He paused and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry."

I was shocked, moved and heartbroken by his words. I barely knew Gale and now he shows up not only returning a picture that means the world to me but apologizing for not putting himself in jeopardy for Peeta. Why? He never owed me anything. Ever.

I approached him slowly and looked into his eyes. "Gale, don't let that guilt become a burden. What happened…it was unfortunate but it happened. I wish the Games never existed but they do and I don't wish it on anybody, including you. There are people who need you, who love you and who are counting on you, including Katniss. You did the right thing by not going in with her. She needs to know her family will be ok if anything happens to her. She needs you now more than ever." I tried to reassure him but the pain was still. I wondered if it stayed there constantly like it did in mine. "My promise to help Katniss is not void just because Peeta is in there. I will still do my best to help them both all that I can. She will not go in there unprepared. I promise."

Gale nodded and wiped the tears away from his eyes. "Thank you." He whispered softly.

Before I could get another word in, the peacekeeper spoke up. "Miss Mellark, it's time to go now." He said impatiently.

I shook hands with Gale, our gaze never breaking. "Thank you again for returning my picture." There was so much more I wanted to say So many words would go unspoken.

Gale smiled halfheartedly. "You're welcome." He replied shortly.

And with that, I continued my way to the train, following the peacekeeper. Yet halfway down, one more thought popped into my head. "Gale!" I called after him.

He turned around, startled but listening. Tears pricked my eyes. "Your brothers…spend time with them. Love them. Encourage them. Be there for them. Every moment, every second you have with them...cherish it. Time is precious. Don't ever waste it."

The look on his face was...haunting, mysterious, and sorrowful. I can't even explain it. "I will." Was all he responded but it was with such determination that I admired and wished that I had.

Breaking eye contact for the last time, I once again followed the peacekeeper to the train.

All the way there I thought about the conversations that I've had so far today. So many tears shed. So much conflict. A bit of confusion. Words of encouragement. Words of fear. And those beautiful, mysterious grey eyes that held so much pain but just a hint of hope.

That hope was hairline thin and frail but as I finally stepped on to that train, I clung to it for dear life.

_Let the 74th Hunger Games begin.  
_

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**This chapter was a bit harder to write but I hope you like it :P Review but before you do, make sure you read the A/N at the beginning. I promise, it'll make sense later. Thoughts count and encourage :D**


	5. You're A Better Person Than Me

**Hey everyone and welcome back! :D Thanks so much the support so far! It's much appreciated. This chapter has been the longest so far but I hope you enjoy it. Once again, I'm NOT sticking completely to the book or the movie, some things are different. Just a heads up :)**

**Also, there is a prologue chapter that was added recently at the beginning.**

**And this may be the last chapter I post before Christmas so if it is, MERRY CHRISTMAS! :D!**

As I stepped on to the train, my breath quickened dramatically. I hated this thing with a passion. It always made me nervous. I remember the first time I ever rode this train. Effie tried to impress us by telling us all the fancy stuff that it did and how fast it went. Yet all it did was scare me even more. I was basically being sentenced to death; the last thing on my mind was luxury and fancy door knobs.

I braced myself as the train doors shut behind me. There was no going back now. No escape. My heart stopped when I looked through the window and saw my brother sitting at a table listening to Effie chatter away. Next to him was Katniss, who was already looking defeated. She stared blankly out the window, clearly ignoring Effie. I can't say that I blame her though. Effie wasn't on my favorites list either.

Peeta, he looked like he was bored but was still trying to give her respect. He was trying to be strong but I know my brother and I know that inside, he was terrified and worried not only for himself but for me as well. See I know my brother from the inside out and I know how much he worries over me enough as it is. I knew he cared about how I was handling this and truth be told, I'm not taking it well at all but I couldn't let him see that. I didn't want to risk being a distraction. He needed to care about and focus more on himself right now.

But that's the problem...I don't know if he has it in him to care about only himself. That's a huge conflict in the Games. You have to focus on two things. Keeping yourself alive and on getting home. You can't allow yourself to care about the other people in the Games and like it or not, eventually you're going to have to kill someone. Even if you hide until it's down to the last person, you'll have to face them sooner or later. The Games…they change you. They change your character, they change the way you think and they change the way you see life.

Peeta…he's always been so independent. He's never let anything or anyone change him. Peeta is Peeta. Kind, caring, loving, gentle, forgiving, and a bit stubborn, Peeta. No one has ever been able to change him, no matter how much they tried. But such thinking in the arena may very well cost you your life.

For the thousandth time I asked myself, "What am I going to do?"

I sighed, not ready to face them yet. I already knew the procedure anyway. Effie was getting ready to send them to their rooms to get ready for dinner then we would all watch the reapings together. I still had time to talk to them but I decided to find Haymitch first.

I wandered into the Mentor's Room, which was reserved for fellow mentors to discuss their tributes and what they were going to do. I came in here when I needed to think and get away. The only people who came back here were Avoxes, who were there to cater and clean up. Otherwise, it was a peaceful place to think and figure out what I was going to do.

The room wasn't too big but still had a Capitol touch to it with its overstuffed couches, mahogany tables, and chandeliers. The walls were painted a light blue and had beautiful paintings that I admired. Out of all of the rooms, this one was my favorite.  
Haymitch would be here soon. This was routine to us. Meet up; discuss the tributes, who we thought was the strongest and the weakest, how we were going help raise up the weak, who we were going to do one on one's with and when, etc. In my eyes, we've trained our tributes equally and fairly. Most of it is sharing what we went through and how we survived. We discuss the mistakes we've made and the best decisions we've made as well. Haymitch was a little tougher than I was. He usually aggravated one or both of the tributes but it was his way of seeing who was truly dedicated.

I remember when I first sat down with him and had a private session. I was frustrated with him big time and disliked him so much. He had a way of pushing people so much that, to put it bluntly, it pissed people off. And what did he do? Nothing. Absolutely nothing and that's what made people mad, because when you're so desperate to come home, you're practically frantic and begging for advice. Who else better than someone who has survived the Games themselves? So, if people were desperate enough and still pursued his help, he would help them. I was one of those people.

I still remember our conversation. I had had enough of him ignoring me and I couldn't handle it any more. I barged into his room, threw his bottle of liquor and with all my strength, pinned him against the wall. "Listen, I have a family I have to get back to. I don't have time to sit around here and wait for death. I have less than two weeks until I go into the arena and as much as I don't want to be stuck with you as a mentor, you're all I have. I am begging you, _please_help me." I desperately begged him.

He stared at me for a long time, a hint of sadness in his eyes. He finally sighed and said, "I don't want to waste my time on someone who I think isn't going to listen and who are not willing to fight for their life." He looked to his right where I had my hand firmly placed on his arm. "But it doesn't seem like you're going to stop bugging me until I give in. So, I will help you but not until you unpin me from this wall."

When I unpinned him and turned around, he grabbed me, swung me around then pinned me to wall. "Lesson one," he whispered in my ear. "Never show your enemies any slack." Then he released me and I faced him with a scowl on my face, which only made him smirk.

"We'll start in the morning after breakfast." He said then plopped down onto his bed and shooed me away.

I walked towards the door then turned around. "Thank you." I whispered.

I'll never forget the look on his face. It was…sad. It was then that you could see every line on his face and all the pain that he carried. I didn't quite understand it until after I came home.

It was then that I realized all that he had done, it wasn't out of laziness. It was out of mercy. It was a simple fact, really. If you weren't strong enough to fight, you wouldn't be strong enough to handle the after effects of the Games. Haymitch found this out the hard way. The Capitol had treated him harshly and had taken away everything from him. People wonder why he drinks so much and why he is the way he is, I used to be one of those people myself but now I understand. Surviving the Games is hell. The guilt is awful. The nightmares are worse. He's done a lot of people a favor by letting them die.

Me…I'm always at a crossroad. The kinder side always gets the best of me. I can't stand to leave them hopeless. I try to give them encouragement in any way that I can. I'm honest though…brutally honest. I tell them everything that I went through. I tell them how I felt, what I experienced, how I survived, what my mindset was, what I learned from other tributes, everything. That's when I leave it up to them to decide whether or not they want to go further with a plan. If they decide to go through with it, I train them and focus mainly on their weaknesses, whereas Haymitch focuses on their strengths, sharpening them, making them better. If they don't…then I'm still with them, comforting them, being a friend and a shoulder to cry on. Those are the worse. Having to witness them die is excruciating though in reality they have it better than the ones who survive. In that case, all my tributes have been lucky. They didn't have to carry that weight. Yet my heart still breaks for them. It's not easy having to witness their deaths, especially when it's your best friend.

I winced, trying to push the memory out of my mind. Thankfully, Haymitch walked or more likely stumbled, in on that moment. He had an icepack up on his forehead. Why-oh…that's right, he fell off the reaping stage. I couldn't help myself. "Welcome back, Humpty Dumpty." I greeted with a mischievous smirk.

He shot me a look then waved. "Oh joy, waking up from falling off a stage and first person I'm greeted by is a smartass." He replied sarcastically.

I chuckled as he passed me and headed straight for the liquor. "So, what do you think about the tributes this year?" I asked seriously.

Without looking up, he replied. "I like the girl. She has spunk."

"What about the boy?" I asked nonchalantly.

He thought for a moment then answered, "I don't know. Humpty Dumpty was too busy falling off the stage to notice."

My face went white. "You don't know who the boy tribute is?"

"No," he shrugged. "Why? Do you think he's a winner?"

Not exactly, I thought morbidly. "Take a look for yourself." I answered quietly.

He gave me a bewildered look then curiously stepped out to check the other room. I started to shake. No wonder he had acted so casually when he walked in the door. It really wasn't the liquor. He truly didn't know.

After a few moments passed, he came back with a grim look on his face. The pained look on his faced mirrored my own. "Damn it." He cursed under his breath.

Then he sighed, looked at his drink then slammed it in front of me. "You're going to need this more than I am." He whispered.

I looked at the brown liquid with disgust. It did not interest me at all. I shook my head at it and looked away. "I can't let him see me that way." I said.

Tears pricked my eyes and I tried desperately to wipe them away. I didn't want Haymitch to see me this way even though he already has, many times and he knows how to read me like a book. Without further word, he pulled up a chair and sat down in a chair across from me.

There was an awkward silence as we both tried to figure out what to do. "So, I'm guessing you're going to be spending your time with Peeta this year?" Haymitch finally asked.

I wanted to say yes but I knew I couldn't. I shook my head. "No." I answered shortly.

Haymitch looked slightly confused. "Why not?"

"Because it's not right, Haymitch."

He leaned forward in his chair. "You do know what the odds are of surviving, right?"  
I winced. I knew he was right but it still hurt. "Of course, I know, Haymitch. You don't have to rub it in." My voice shook.

"So why aren't you taking advantage of the time that you have with him?" he asked. I wanted to punch him in the face.

"I don't need a guilt trip from you." I snapped.

"I'm not trying to give you a guilt trip. I'm trying to figure you out." He replied calmly.

I shrugged. "There's nothing to figure out." I answered defensibly.

"Really? Then I must be a dumbass." He replied sarcastically then leaned back in his chair. "Please explain to me why exactly you're doing this."

"Because I refuse to leave Katniss!" I practically yelled out of frustration.

"Well, now we're getting somewhere." He replied with a smirk. "You aware that there are two of us, right?"

"Yes and we're going to keep doing things the way we've been doing them." I said.

Haymitch shook his head. "I don't see why, Melanie. We can bend the rules just this once. You'd have a valid reason to do so."

I sighed and rubbed my forehead. "I know, Haymitch. But if I spend all my time with him, it's just going to make it harder to let him go. If he has any chance at all to make it then I can't be breaking down every time I see him. I'm going to need time to think and on top of all that, Katniss needs me just as much as he does. I promised her family that I would be there for her and damn it, I'm going to keep that promise." I replied stubbornly.

Haymitch didn't say anything after that. We sunk back into a tense silence that I wasn't sure what to think of. Haymitch continued to drink, the brown liquid drowning his sorrows. In some ways I envied him. He at least had an escape.

After about twenty minutes of silence, Haymitch looked up the clock then got up and pushed his chair in. He looked at me with pained eyes and whispered, "You're a better person than I am."

I looked away, tears threatening my eyes.

"I'm going to get ready for supper. I suggest you do the same." He said as he walked away from me.

The slam of the door startled me enough to make me jump. I began to shake but before I gave myself a chance to break, I quickly got up and went to my room to get ready for supper.

I dug through the drawers and picked out a purple silk short sleeve blouse along with a pair of black slacks. Good enough. Then, I made the water as hot as I could stand it, stepped in and let my worries fade for a few moments. I didn't want to think about anything. I wanted to escape this nightmare. Even if it were just for a few minutes, or until the hot water ran out. I wish I could stay here. I wish the hot water could wash all the dirt from the guilt and the pain that I've been carrying for long. I wish it could wake me from this nightmare that I'm stuck in. But unfortunately, some wishes just don't come true.

I reluctantly, I finally turned off the water when it began to turn ice cold. Shaking most the water out of my hair, I stepped out and wrapped a fluffy towel around me. I took my time getting ready though I only had thirty minutes. I wasn't in any hurry to see anyone, especially Peeta and Katniss. It dawned on me that this would be the first time I'd seen them since the Justice Building. Was I ready? No, of course not. I don't think I'll ever be ready. But there've been plenty of situations that I've faced when I wasn't ready and I've got through them. This is just one more thing to scratch off the list.

As I finished my hair and makeup, I looked into the mirror and saw the reflection of so many things. A broken heart. A wounded child. A daughter. A sister. A coward. A woman whose scars go deeper than anybody could ever know. Only a shadow of who she used to be. I hated looking into her eyes. There was so much constant pain and worry in them. No wonder her brother was constantly worried about her.

I shook my head and quickly exited the room. When I looked through the window, I once again saw the faces of Effie, Katniss and Peeta. A gentle tap on my shoulder caused me to jump. I turned around to see a red headed Avox girl holding a tray with drinks on them. I immediately smiled at her. Lavinia, I think was her name. She's been here ever since my Games and for some reason I've always liked her. We had our own way of communicating which was mostly with our facial expressions. I wish she could talk though. If only.

She smiled back gently then looked through the window towards Peeta then back at me and her smile faded almost immediately. She gave me a questioning look and I nodded. Tears gathered in her eyes and she grabbed my hand and gave it a light, reassuring squeeze. If Effie had seen that, she would've blown up at Lavinia. We're not even supposed to be looking at each other. Avox's were only there to serve, not make friends. But I could really care less about what Effie thought right now. I offered a small, sad smile, knowing that she'd understand.

She held my gaze for a moment before opening the door for me and waiting for me to go through. The simple gesture announced my entrance and of course the first one to speak is Effie.

"Melanie! So nice of you to join us!" She exclaimed.

I rolled my eyes and sat on the opposite end of the table where they were sitting. "Where's Haymitch?" Effie asked, ignoring my rudeness.

"He'll be here soon." I answered shortly.

"Very well then, let's not let a perfectly good meal get cold now, shall we?" She continued. She wasn't fooling anybody though. She hated Haymitch with a passion and wasn't concerned at all as to whether he's here or not.

I remained silent throughout the entire meal. Peeta every once in a while would try to make eye contact but I refused to. Why? I don't know but I couldn't look at him. Katniss kept looking at Lavinia, who was standing in a corner, like she was trying to figure something out. It was quite strange but I don't think anybody else except me picked up on it.

Katniss and Peeta are scarfing down their meals while I pick at mine, not really having an interest in food right now. But I'm glad they're able to eat, even though it looks like they're about to overdo it.

As we're finishing up the main course, Haymitch comes in. Effie ignores him completely and continues her chatter. "At least, you two have decent manners," she says, making me look up at her curiously. ""The pair last year ate everything with their hands like a couple of savages. It completely upset my digestion."

She didn't. I wanted to go after her so bad, it wasn't even funny. If only looks could kill. Peeta looked at me sympathetically. Sara and Adam, the tributes that Effie was so rudely talking about, they hardly ever had enough to eat. They had every reason to react the way that they did. And to hear her talk so coldly about my best friend, Sara, like that…I can't even explain the hurt and the anger I felt.

Katniss looked as pissed off as I did and for the remainder of the meal, she ate her food with her hands. When she was finished, a defiant look came across her face and she wiped her hands on the table cloth.

Effie didn't like that all. You could tell by the way she pursed her lips together. I smirked. Her gesture actually made me feel a little better.

Haymitch, who'd also overheard Effie's snide comment, stopped short behind her when he got up and poured himself a drink. For a moment, I thought he was going to hit her but instead, he looked at me then looked down at his drink and, with a final mischievous grin, he poured it down the back of her expensive dress.

Everyone gasped as Effie jumped up and screamed as she was stomping her feet and trying to get the ice out of her hair. "Haymitch!" She shrieked angrily at him.

Haymitch put on a fake concerned look on his face. "Ohhhh, SO sorry, Effie, how clumsy of me." He apologized sarcastically. I bit the corner of my cheek, trying not to laugh.

"You better be sorry! This is brand new, you clumsy fool!" She screamed then ran out the doors to her room.

Everyone lost it then. Even Lavinia was having a hard time not smiling.

"I don't think I've ever seen Effie run that fast." I laughed.

"Sweetheart, that is the first and only time you will ever see Effie run." He said with a big grin, making me laugh even harder.

Katniss and Peeta were giggling away. I'm glad Haymitch did what he did. Effie's comment hurt all of us and Haymitch's punishment didn't even come close to giving it justice but it lightened up the mood a bit, that's for sure. Serves her right.

Moments later, Effie came out in a freshly ironed new outfit. She glared at Haymitch, which only made him smirk. She turned up her nose and announced, "It's time to go watch the reapings."

The lightness immediately disappeared from the room as we got up and followed her into a different room. Before we knew it, she was her bubbly self again and chattered away as the recap of the reapings began to play.

It was definitely going to be a rough year. Between the Careers, who as always, looked intimidating and fierce and the innocent twelve year old girl from District 11, it wasn't going to be easy but, it wasn't impossible.

Then it came down to District 12. I didn't want to watch but I had to. I looked over at Katniss, who looked like she was going to cry at any second. I understand why when the scene replayed her sister's name being called. Prim…she was just a baby. She's so tiny and frail; she wouldn't have gotten past the bloodbath. Then came the part where Katniss bravely stepped up, threw her sister behind her and volunteered as tribute. It was heartbreaking, watching Prim cling to her, desperately not wanting her to go. Then Gale, the man with the hauntingly beautiful eyes and the one who returned my picture, have to pry her off of Katniss as she was taken to the stage. The shock of it all registering with everyone, including Effie. A small tear escaped my eyes when everyone remains silent and instead of clapping, they salute her with a symbol of high respect only used on special occasions.

Shortly after, Haymitch stumbles on stage and is clearly so drunk you can barely understand him as he's unknowingly taunting the Capitol. Then, out of nowhere, he drops out of view and bam, there goes Humpty Dumpty. I shake my head as Effie makes a comment I don't bother listen to.

The only I pay attention to her voice is when I suddenly hear it get ready to announce the boys. "Peeta Mellark!" Her voice rings.

I shouldn't be surprised. He's sitting right here but there's something about watching the look of alarm on his face when his name is called that completely knocks the breath out of me. Angry tears fall from my eyes as no one steps up to take his place. If I could have, I would've taken his place in a heartbeat. He didn't belong here.

Anger and brokenness gets the best of me and I can't bare to watch another minute of it. "Screw it." I mumbled under my breath.

It was like looking through someone else's eyes. While the others were watching, I slowly stood up, grabbed the glass vase that was in front of me and with all my strength, I threw it as hard and vicious as I could at the TV. The TV's screen was instantly smashed, causing it to go black and the vase shatters into a million pieces. There's a few screams in the room, mostly by Effie and the rest jump and turn around frantically to look at the person who made such a scene.

Peeta's eyes go from confused to frightened and worried as he holds my gaze for a moment.

I'm breathing heavily and shaking all over. "Melanie! What has gotten into you?!" Effie screeches at me.

I give her the dirtiest and most hated look that I can master. "Go to hell." I whispered in a dangerously low and serious voice.

Her eyes widen but she doesn't say a word. Everyone is in shock of what I'd just done.

I couldn't take it anymore and left quickly. I saw it and felt it coming from a mile away. I was about to have a break down and it wasn't going to be pretty. I was tired of pretending to be strong. I couldn't handle it any more.

I couldn't handle anything any more.

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**Big thanks to katnisshenderson for helping me out on this chapter and inspiring the next one to come :) Love reviews! :D**


	6. Breakdowns and Epiphanies

_Hey everyone! Not alot of reviews on my last chapter, I hope it was ok :/ But special thanks to HungerGameslover and katnisshenderson but sending me sweet and inspiring message! :D thank you thank you!_

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I couldn't take it anymore. Everything came crashing down on me as I walked into the Mentor's room. My heart was racing as I was pacing back and forth. The room seemed to get smaller and smaller by the minute, making me feel like I was trapped in a cage. I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was being suffocated. I ran to one wall and hit it with all my strength. While it made a loud banging noise, it didn't even make a dent in the cage that I was in. I went to other side and did the same thing. Didn't budge a bit. I went back to my pacing until I noticed Haymitch's cup of liquor on the table he'd put on the table for me earlier after he saw Peeta.

"You're gonna need this more than I do." He'd said.

I picked up the cup and looked down at the brown liquid that rested inside. I understood perfectly, the reason he is the way he is. The glass shook violently in my hands as I recalled all the pain the Capitol has caused my friend and without any further second, with all my strength; I threw it against the wall, watching it shatter into a million pieces.

Everything that the Capitol created, I wanted to destroy. The paintings that I used to admire, I tore down and took a closer glance at the picture. Dark red and purple spread across the canvas, it was supposed to be beautiful but all it did was remind me of all the innocent blood shed from the Games. Angry tears blurred my vision and I threw the canvas across the room which landed into a vase that crashed to the floor.

Everything I could think of that was Capitol related, I tried to destroy. I threw shiny glasses and knocked over the tray of finger foods. I grabbed the fancy table cloth and yanked it off, causing everything to come crashing down.

As I was throwing a trash can, Haymitch walked in and looked shocked when he saw the mess. "Melanie, what the hell are you doing?!" He exclaimed.

I finished throwing the trash can, which crashed into another painting. "I'm making a mess!" I replied sarcastically.

He gave me a sharp look then looked around. "I can see that." He muttered.

Haymitch watched as I continued to throw around miscellaneous things. Glass was everywhere and just about every painting was off the wall. I stopped as I tried to catch my breath and my eye catches a glimpse of a bottle of liquor that's lying on the floor. I snatch it up, take the cap off and take a big gulp. It literally burns my throat. I let out a gasp and as I stumble backwards, I trip over rubble and fall into a table. A yelp of pain escapes my throat as I look down at my wrist that's covered in glass and blood.

Haymitch shakes his head then walks over, bends over and snatches the liquor bottle from my hands. "Melanie," he says but I ignore his eyes. "Melanie, look at me." he says again but I continue to ignore him. Finally, he grabs my arms roughly and gives them a shake. "I said look at me!" His voice rises.

"Let go of me." I snapped, trying to yank my arm away.

But his hold only got tighter. "Melanie, listen to me." he insisted.

"Leave me alone." I whisper weakly, my strength disappearing.

"Melanie, stop this." He says then tossing the bottle away from me. "You have to pull yourself together."

I barely hear him. My strength is gone and I finally stop struggling. The weight of everything is just too much for me to hold. I don't think I even have the strength to get up. I'm tired of being scared. I'm tired of being worried. I'm of being guilty. I'm just plain tired. I barely have the strength to say my next words. "I know now why you drink." I whisper to him.

Haymitch's eyes water and for once, he's at a loss for words. I am to as I finally close my eyes. I never want to open them again. I'd be content to die right here. "Remember before the Reaping, you asked me if I was going to hold myself together or if you were going to have to get my grave ready?" I paused as a single tear slid down my face. "I'd like it to be right next to Sara's."

I felt strong hands grab my own. "I remember. And I remember your response. And you were right. I didn't save your ass for nothin'." He replied. "And I remember you saying that one of them is coming home because death wasn't an option."

"That was before my brother was chosen." I muttered bitterly.

"I don't think so, Melanie. Your words are not void. It's nowhere near over yet. You both still have a chance of beating the odds."

I shook my head. "I give up, Haymitch. I can't do it."

"Giving up isn't an option either, Melanie."

"I can't do it, Haymitch!" I repeated forcefully.

Haymitch huffed. "Tell that to your brother, who's counting on you. He needs you now more than ever and what are you doing? Throwing paintings and smashing TVs. You're a real good role model, aren't you?" He replied sarcastically.

I gave him a hurt look. "You're one to talk." I retorted. "Drowning all your problems, you hardly ever know what's going on around you."

His eyebrows furrowed together and leaned in closer. "Don't be like me." He whispered intensely.

Tears broke through again and I let them fall. Without warning, Haymitch pulled me into his arms. This came as a surprise to me and probably to anybody who'd see it. Haymitch is not the sort of person to comfort, much less hold someone when they're hurting. The last time he did this was last year when my best friend was killed in the Games. There are a lot of things people don't know about Haymitch, one of them being that he's not heartless. He proved so as he held me tight while I sobbed into his shoulder.

After a while, he pulled away and looked into my eyes. "You're a fighter, Melanie. You always have been. When all the odds were against you, you've always proved me wrong. Prove me wrong this time, too."

I sniffled and wiped my eyes but remained silent. "Why did it have to be him, Haymitch?" I asked quietly.

"Why did it have to any of us?" Haymitch pointed out.

I could only shrug. "I don't want to lose him." I looked at him fearfully. "Does that sound selfish?"

Haymitch shook his head. "He's your brother. Family means a lot to a person and I don't blame you for breaking down. What does matter is how you act for the remainder of the Games. Peeta needs you now more than ever, Melanie. So does Katniss. They can't do this without you. None of us can." He paused from a moment before continuing. "You have every reason to be pissed off at the Capitol. Prove to them that not everything is hopeless. Prove to them that they can't have everything they want to take away."

"Those are risky things to prove." I whispered numbly.

"You decide if they're worth the risk." He replied as he patted my shoulder then stood up and motioned towards my arm that was cut up a bit from the glass I'd fallen on. "I'll get someone to take care of that for you."

"Thanks," I replied as I inspected the damage. "Effie's going to have a cow."

"She'll have the whole barn but not in front of you right now." He chuckled.

I smirked. I really shouldn't have taken so much out on Effie because she's basically helpless, not to mention clueless, to everything.

Haymitch grabbed his bottle, his companion then waved to me. "Decide what you're going to do tonight, Sweetheart. Tomorrow, the real fun begins." With that said, he shut the door firmly between us.

My mind was finally beginning to clear a bit as I remained where I was. I looked around and noted that the mess wasn't as bad as it could've been but you could still see where my break down took place. I felt bad but at least I didn't hit anybody like I wanted to.

A few minutes later, Lavinia walked into the room with a first aid hit and stopped short when she saw the mess. Now I really felt bad. She was going to have to clean this up. "I'm sorry." I spoke up, making her jump.

Once she saw me, her eyes grew big and she rushed over with the first aid kit in hand. She kneeled down and took my hand in hers, gently inspecting it. It wasn't too bad, just a few cuts that wouldn't need stitches. She took my other arm and pulled me to my feet then guided me over to a chair that didn't have any debris on it. Then she took a few things out of the first aid and began cleaning my wounds. After a moment, I put my other hand over hers, indicating for her to stop.

"I'm sorry." I apologized. She waved me off but I continued. "No, I really mean it. Not just for this but for everything." Now she just looked confused and gave me a questioning look. I put my unwounded hand on her arm. "I'm sorry you've been treated so harshly. I'm sorry this happened to you. Someone as kind as you didn't deserve this and I'm so sorry that you're here."

Lavinia's eyes watered badly as both sorrow and appreciation flooded. No one has probably ever spoken anything like that to her since she's been here. We'd get in so much trouble if someone had seen us having this conversation but I decided that it was a risk I was willing to take.

She squeezed my hand as a way of showing gratitude then finished wrapping my other hand, then went to cleaning the rest of the room. I tried to help her but she kept shooing me away until she took hand and lead me outside the doors. Then she pointed to a door that was down quite a bit to the right. I looked at her and she continued to motion for me to go to that room. After a brief moment of being confused, I finally got what she was saying. "Peeta." I stated the obvious.

Lavinia nodded then offered a soft sympathetic smile then continued to shoo me down the hallway.

At first, I didn't want to go and debated going back to my room but them something in me clicked. Call it a sixth sense or whatever, but it was a feeling I knew all too well. It was that feeling I got in the middle of night and I would find Peeta huddle into a ball, scared to death. He needed me and he needed me now. I practically ran down the hallway and burst into the room.

Sure enough, Peeta lying on his side asleep but he didn't look peaceful. Worry was still embedded on his facial features and you could still see the tear stains on his cheeks.

All my problems in that moment faded. It was then that I realized he was having a nightmare. He jerked a bit in his sleep and fresh tears fell from his eyes. I knelt down beside him and pushed away his hair from his eyes and the tears from his cheek. He flinched underneath my touch. "Shhh, it's ok." I whispered softly in his ear.

It broke my heart to see the tears continue to fall from his eyes. He jerked again and let out a small cry. "Peeta," I shook him worriedly. "Peeta, it's ok."

He let out another cry then jerked upright, gasping for air. He looked at me with puffy, red eyes. He looked just as weary as I did. "Peeta," I whispered in a pained voice. He didn't say anything; instead, he practically threw himself in my arms and clung to me for dear life.

"Don't leave me." He begged.

Tears threatened my eyes once again. "I won't." I promised.

"Stay with me, please." He cried into my shoulder.

I held him tighter. "Always." I whispered into his ear.

As I'm holding my brother in my arms, memories come flooding back from when we were younger. Memories of sheltering him from all the thunderstorms and nightmares and all those years of throwing myself in front of him to take our mother's blows. I've always been there for him. And as long as I can, I always will be. It was too stressful to think otherwise right now. Worry wasn't going to do any of us good.

We stayed like for…I don't know how long. Minutes, hours, who knows? Who cares? All the tears finally stopped and we sat there in silence, two terrified siblings unsure of what the future was going to hold and clinging to each other for dear life.

"Mel, what are we going to do?" Peeta whispered worriedly.

"It doesn't matter right now." I replied quietly.

"Mel, are you going to be ok if-"

"Shhh," I interrupted him. This thought has haunted me enough today. I couldn't think about it anymore today.

"Mel-"

"Peeta, stop." I whispered firmly, pain etched in my voice as I held him tighter.

He didn't say a word after that. He knew his boundaries. When I didn't want to talk about something, I wouldn't. I was stubborn like that. But more so right now, I just didn't want to think about it. The next few weeks were going to be hard enough. I didn't want to walk into hell just yet.

A while later, I looked up at the clock and noticed it had gotten really late. Apparently time wasn't on my side either. I pulled away from Peeta and said, "You better get some rest. It's going to be a long day tomorrow."

He nodded without further words and nestled down into the overstuffed bed. Then I repeated a gesture I've done since he was born. I gently stroked his hair and hummed a soft lullaby until he was sound to sleep. I couldn't help but wonder if this would be the last time I'd ever be able to do this.

I sighed, suddenly remembering how tired I was. Careful to not disturb his slumber, I got up and with one final look, I left Peeta's room. As I shut the door behind me, I nearly walked into Katniss, who, apparently had been standing outside.

"Katniss?" I asked bewilderedly. "Is everything ok?"

"I-I…I heard screaming." She stuttered, trying to hide her blush.

My expression softened a bit. Of course, screaming would create curiosity in anybody. "Nightmares." I explained.

"Oh, is he ok?" She asked with concern.

"He's…scared but otherwise, he's as ok as you can be right now." I answered honestly.

She nodded then stood there awkwardly. I could tell something was on her mind. "I'm sorry for being nosey." She apologized.

"Don't worry about it." I dismissed with a wave of my hand. "Are _you _ok?" I asked as I took a step closer.

She shrugged and avoided my gaze. No. Of course she wasn't. I didn't have many words that could comfort her. "I'm sorry." She whispered softly. "I'm sorry this happened to you." Her apology was sincere, not sarcastic or bitter.

I offered a sad smile. "I'm sorry, too." I sighed. "Nobody deserves this. Nobody. But Katniss, please hear me out."

She looks up and hesitantly meets my eyes. "I don't know what's going to happen the next few weeks but I do know that I promised your family that I would look after you and help you in any way that I can. And despite what's going on right now, I fully intend to keep my promise."

Katniss looks shocked, as if she expected me to say something totally different. "Thank you." She whispers hoarsely.

I smile softly. "Get some rest. We've got a long day tomorrow."

Her eyes water quickly but before the tears have a chance to escape, she nods to me then quickly makes her way down to her room.

This was by far the hardest thing that I've ever been through, I thought as I walked back to my room.

But all things come to an end eventually, don't they?  
I just prayed that this one would come to an end soon.


	7. Breakfast Confrontations and Mysteries

**_Hey everyone! I'm back! I know I said I was taking some time to catch up and read but I had some extra time and got to write another chapter :) I hope you like it! Also! I have a new story called To Spark a Fire, which will be colliding with this story later on. Check it out and review! :D_**

And PLEASE, PLEASE review this story! It helps me so much! :D

oh, oh! HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM FLORIDA! :D!

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My nightmares spared me last night. In fact, my dreams were all memories. Good memories. Like…waking up early with my father every Saturday and going to our favorite spot which was on a big hill to watch the sunrise. It was a tradition between just him and I and I treasured it.

Another one was showing Peeta a Christmas tree for the first time. We couldn't really afford to decorate the whole house but no matter what, we managed a tree. His pretty blue eyes grew big and the biggest smile appeared on his face, then he went over and tried hugging the tree, nearly knocking it over.

Or one of my personal favorites was during winter we'd snuggle into our father's arms and listen to him tell stories. I'll never forget them for as long as I live. It was when we were all so close and we didn't have so many worries. We were at peace. We were…happy.

Sometimes I didn't know what was worse, nightmares or dreams like these. They remind me that I'll never have those good times again. Yet in this moment, as hard as it is, I choose to be thankful for these memories. For they're the one thing the Capitol can't take away from me. They can't take my memories. They can't have them. I won't let them.

As I swing my legs over the side of the bed to begin my day, I notice that I feel…different. I have, what is it called? Peace? Is that what it is? I don't know. I feel like everything is going to be ok but I don't know why. I feel slightly guilty for thinking this way. My brother could die by my hand and I'm…ok with it? No, of course not. I want more than anything for him to come home, to have a second chance and be the big sister I was meant to be. But the fact is the chances of that happening are very slim.

So why do I feel this way? Is it because I've come to face reality and accept his fate? Or is it because I'm being strong not for me but for him? I don't know but all these emotions in just a short amount of time have had me all over the place. Depressed and angry one moment, peaceful and calm the next. But maybe, its gratitude and determination. It sucks that I have to watch this happen but I also realize how lucky I am. Sitting at home would kill me. Haymitch was right. I have a chance to spend more time with Peeta before he goes in. It still hurts but I'd rather have a few more weeks than a few minutes any day.

I also have a job to live up to. Surviving the Hunger Games made me a mentor and although it's the hardest job in the world, I have a chance to help my tributes. I can actually do something instead of sitting back and feeling helpless. Feeling sorry for myself is not going to help anything or anyone. I paid the price to be here, I need to take advantage of it. I have a chance to make a difference in two lives that mean a lot to me and I can't afford not to be there for them. Yes, chances are slim but not impossible.

I was surprised that I was awake a few minutes before Effie was due. Any moment she'd be banging on the door to announce breakfast. Effie…I should apologize to her. Being disrespectful to her is not going to solve anything. It's going to cause more drama than there needs to be. Besides, it's not her fault we're in the mess. She didn't purposely choose Peeta. She's just as clueless as Flavious and Octivia; she was born and raised in the Capitol. She doesn't know anything else. To me, that's a poorer lifestyle than one in District 12.

While waiting for Effie, I busied myself by getting dressed in a light blue sundress. Not something I typically wear everyday but I didn't feel like dealing with anything else. Plus, we would be at the Capitol soon and it'd be less trouble to change out of when we got there. I couldn't wait to see Cinna. He truly is one of my best friends. I couldn't wait to discuss what we were going to do this year. I trusted Cinna and I know that Peeta and Katniss were in good hands with him and his prep team, despite how airheaded they could be. I remember my year. Cinna designed a black dress with orange and red jewels that covered the front and sparkled brightly in the light to imitate the embers of fiery coal. The crowd went wild and still does over Cinna's styles. You never know what he's going to come up with next. I was curious to know what was going through his head right now.

Suddenly, a loud knocking at my door startled me out of my thoughts. "Melanie! It's time to get up, up, up! We have a very busy day ahead of us!" There was Effie, I concluded as I answered the door.

Effie looked shocked. "Oh my, what a surprise to see you up and ready for the big day!" She exclaimed.

I smirked at the look her face. Normally, she'd have to fight with me. I can understand why she is so shocked. She smiled brightly. "Breakfast is ready. Katniss and Peeta are already there waiting for you and Haymitch."

I offered a smile for her sake. "I'll be in soon."

"Wonderful." She clapped her hands then turned to leave but I stopped her.

"Effie!" I called after her and she stopped so short in her high heels that I thought she was going to fall over. I walked over and tried to find the right words. "I…I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being so disrespectful yesterday and I'm sorry for destroying the TV…and the Mentor room."

Her eyes grew wide shock and disbelief but then her facial expression softened. "All is forgiven. You know, Melanie, I truly am sorry that this happened to you. I can understand the reason behind your behavior yesterday. I wish that I could do everything over again and pick a different name but I can't." She sighed sadly. "However, I do wish you all the best."

Her words were actually sincere and I chose that as a sign to have a truce between us. "Thank you." I answered respectfully then turned to leave.

"It is such a shame that your brother had to sign up for tesserae. Perhaps it may have been different if he hadn't."

I stopped in my tracks and turned around. "What?" I asked, hoping I'd heard her wrong.

Effie looked bewildered. "You didn't know?"

"No!" I almost yelled. "Enlighten me, please." I added a bit more calmly.

"Oh dear, I'm afraid it's true. Peeta's name was in there numerous times." Effie looked troubled. "I'm sorry, Melanie. I thought you knew. I didn't know it was secret."

"Neither did I." I mumbled bitterly. Peeta and I are going to have a long chat about this. "But thanks for letting me know."

Effie sensed my anger and tried to smooth things over. "If it offers any comfort, I do think that this year will be our year. Both tributes are healthy, strong and smart and they have a wonderful mentor to perfect their abilities."

I answered her as calmly as I could. "Thanks, Effie. I, uh, I'll be in for breakfast soon."

Effie nodded nervously, thankfully taking the hint to leave. "Wonderful. Make sure Haymitch is awake, would you? He has a bad habit of oversleeping." She said in detest.

Despite how mad I was, I had to bite the side of my cheek to keep from smirking. Effie hated when people overslept, especially Haymitch, which is why he always did it just to annoy her. I mumbled in agreement and was thankful when she finally left. I felt a little lighter knowing that I'd reconciled with Effie but even more troubled knowing that Peeta had signed up for the tesserae.

Why? The simple question rattled around my head countless times. It just didn't make sense to me. We had no absolutely no need for it whatsoever. We were fine on food even before I won my Games. What on earth would possess him to sign up for extra grain and oil when he knew what the risk was?

Like I told Effie, we were in for a long talk and I was than ready to hear his explanation.

I jumped when I heard another knock at the door. It must be an Avox, I thought to myself. But when I opened it, it was none other than Haymitch. "What are you doing up so early?" I asked immediately, genuinely curious to hear his answer.

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Good morning to you, too." He replied sarcastically. "I was about to ask you why you're up so late?"

"I'm not." I said defensibly then looked at the clock. Oh…it really was late. I gave Haymitch a sheepish look, causing him to smirk in return.

"The only reason you'd be late is if something was on your mind." He welcomed himself into my room and plopped down in a chair. "So, go ahead. Spill it."

I rolled my eyes. He knew me so well. I shut the door then sat across from him on my bed. "I talked to Effie this morning-"

"Oh boy," He interrupted and gave me a curious look. "I see no blood on the carpet so I guess she made it out alive?"

"Just barely." I joked. "Actually, I apologized to her for yesterday, you know, for slightly destroying the TV…and the mentor room…and for being rude."

Haymitch looked surprised. "You…apologized to Effie? Were you drunk?"

A snort escaped as I laughed. He had every reason to ask though. He knows I am not an Effie fan at all. I never have been and for me to do something that drastic, well, he had every reason to question my strange behavior. "No," I chuckled. "I just decided I didn't want any more drama. I have enough on my plate as it is."

Haymitch nodded. "I have a feeling that's not why you've been sitting in here almost all morning."

I shook my head. "No, it's not." I admitted and he waited for me to continue. "Long story short, Effie spilled the beans about Peeta signing up for tesserae."

Haymitch looked more confused than ever. "Peeta signed up for tesserae?"

"Apparently."

"Why on earth would he ever do that?"

I shrugged. "I don't know."

"I take it he never told you." It wasn't a question, it was a statement.

"No," I replied quietly. "Never said a word."

Haymitch was just as stuck as I was, not being able to make sense of the situation. "Are you going to ask him?"

"Oh, we're going to have a long chat about it." I mumbled.

Haymitch shook his head and sighed. "I don't know what to tell you, Melanie. Try not to dwell on it too much. Everything has already been done. You can't change it."

I remained silent. There were no words to say.

After a few minutes of awkward silence, Haymitch stood up and walked towards the door. "Take a few minutes if you want but don't waste your time thinking about things you can't fix. You have a responsibility right here, right now. Don't forget that." As he opened the door, he added. "I'll take the first shift. I'm sure by the time you come in they'll be more than happy to hear your thoughts."

My lips twitched upward. "Try not to piss them off too bad."

Haymitch, with a bit of mischief in his eyes, says, "You know I make no promises to that." He winks at me then he's gone.

I smirk as he walks away. I know they're both going to be pissed by the time I get there. As I mentioned earlier, Haymitch has a special way of training each tribute but first, they have to prove to him that they want to fight. I realize now that I've calmed down a bit and though I could easily join and not cause a scene like I did yesterday, I decide to let Haymitch have a few minutes to do his work.

I decide to keep myself busy by taking out my sketch pad and drift into a different world for a few minutes. My hands take over as they make gentle strokes across the page. Before I realize it, I'm reeled back into my Games and am surrounded by snow, ice and blood.

The scene takes place on the third day where I'd tricked a Career girl from District 2 into chasing me onto a frozen pond. It was a very risky thing to do as I knew I could easily go down with her but I knew very well where the thin ice was and she fell right into my trap. I turned around and stopped a few feet from her then plunged my spear into the thin ice. She stopped and her eyes went wide when she realized what I'd done. She tried to scramble her way back but we were already in the middle of the pond and once I took my spear out, the ice broke and down she went. I still remember her frantic screams for help as I watched her try to escape the icy death trap. But what I didn't expect was the eerie creature that swam beneath the ice. I had never seen anything like it. I knew it had to be a Capitol mutant because no fish was supposed to look like that. I watched in horror as the girl screamed in agony as she was suddenly attacked and ripped to pieces by the vicious pond creature. It only took a few seconds for everything to go quiet but it seemed to go on forever for me. When everything went still, the water beneath the ice turned a deep, dark red and the sound of a cannon filled the air. I ran from the gruesome scene as fast as I could and never looked back.

My sketch contained a vivid replica of the hole where the girl fell and the bloodstained water that remained after she was attacked. My hands shook as I took in the scene. Why I sketch these memories, I don't know. Maybe it's because they will haunt my dreams if I don't face it during the day. I'd rather draw it out then be trapped in a slumber filled with agonized screams of a fallen tribute.

Angrily, I threw my sketchpad across the room and it landed with a loud thud against the wall. I didn't feel like dealing with bad memories right now.

I looked at the clock and suddenly realized that I really needed to get to breakfast. We'd be at the Capitol within the hour and I needed to see how Peeta and Katniss were handling Haymitch.

As I arrived, I take in the scene before me. There's a deep knife mark in the middle of the table and way across the room, there's a knife embedded in between two panels. I look over at Haymitch, who'd just been circling Katniss and Peeta. They grew quiet as I entered the room quietly and examined the knife mark in the table. I gave Haymitch a quick curious glance then walk over and try to pull the knife from the wall. It's stuck in there good and it takes a good, strong yank to get it out. I discover that over half the blade was embedded. I take a close glance at it then walk over to Katniss and hand her the knife.

"Not bad." I compliment her then turn to examine Peeta, who has a nice bruise on his face. Very brief anger rose up in me but it quickly vanished. I've seen a lot worse and I knew Peeta well enough to know that he could take a hit. "Looks like they've proved themselves to you." I say to Haymitch, who gives a slight nod.

Katniss looked pissed off at Haymitch. You couldn't ignore her icy glare towards him. So far, so good.

"I think we snagged a couple of fighters this year." Haymitch responds sarcastically.

I look at Katniss and Peeta and say, "Good, then I expect nothing less of discipline and hard work for the next couple of weeks from both of you." I take a seat and cross my arms. "However, tonight after dinner, Haymitch and I are going to sit down with both of you individually and tell you our story. Mainly it'll just be highlights from our Games. This will give us a chance to go over major things that you need to know and be aware of while you're in there. If you'd like, we'll show you a clips of our Games but it's not necessary to go through the whole thing. I know you don't want to watch the Games again but it is a good training tool to show you how we did things in the arena and what to avoid. Questions are welcomed and encouraged. After the sessions, we'll give you a choice. A choice to decide if you really want to go through with this. These Games are not a joke and since we're the lowest of the districts, the chances of survival are…slim but not impossible. But if you want to give up early, we understand."

Katniss narrows her eyes at me. "So you're just going let us give up, huh? You don't want to do this, do you? Especially for me." Her words are defensive and bitter.

Everyone stops breathing and focuses on me and her. "No, I don't actually-"  
She shakes her head at me. "I knew it." She interrupts.

"You know, huh?" I stand up walk towards her. "Then enlighten me. What do you know?" I challenge her.

"I know that you don't want me to win so you're going to pair me with Haymitch who doesn't really give a damn about anything while you make sure that Peeta comes home." She replies bitterly. Peeta stands to the side, looking nervously between the two of us.

Her response is so childish that I can't help but scoff at her. "Wow, way to foil my plan." I respond sarcastically. "I suggest you leave the elementary school drama on the train." I walk closer to her until I'm almost in her face. She immediately tenses up and is ready to fight. "These Games are nothing to fool around with. We give you a choice for a reason. Are you truly aware of what you're getting yourself into? If you win, are you prepared for your dreams to be filled with graphic memories of fallen tributes and face the nightmares of the arena? Are you ready to carry the guilt of taking another life of a child? Are you prepared to be plagued by it day and night? Oh and are you prepared to become a mentor and have to go through what I'm going through right now?" Katniss's expression softens a bit as she thinks about my questions. My own voice softens as I continue. "Katniss, I have no intention of doing any of the things you accused me of. I understand why you'd think that way but it's not my job to play favorites right now. I give you this choice because I understand everything you're going through right now but if I'd been given the same choice again, I'm not sure I'd be here. It's not fun. It's not easy. It's the most terrible and frightening thing you'll probably ever face in your entire life." I let out a shaky sigh. "I swear to you that I'm not trying to convince you to not try. I just want you to be aware of what you're getting yourself into. Some of our tributes have continued on and have almost made it. Others have just enjoyed the rest of the time they still have left. Regardless of what choice you make, we're here for you and as cliché as it sounds, you're not going through this alone. Are we clear?" I ask them both and they nod silently in agreement. I look to Katniss and hold out my hand. "Truce?"

She looks skeptical at first then shakes my hand. "Truce." She repeats quietly.

I offer a small smile. "I believe in both of you and I support you no matter what happens." I look over at Haymitch. "And for the record, I'd listen to Haymitch if I were you. He _did _get me through my Games. He can be bit of a pain in the ass but listen to him just as much as you listen to me, if not more." I advised.

Katniss scoffed. "Stay alive." She mocked Haymitch as she rolled her eyes but attempted a smile.

I couldn't help but chuckle. The joys of working with Haymitch on the first day. Haymitch laughed then took a big swig of whatever was in his cup.

I looked at Peeta, who had been really quiet during the conversation. He stood there awkwardly avoiding my gaze, which wasn't normal. I couldn't help but wonder what was going on through his head. Most of all, I wondered what his decision would be after our session tonight.

I shook my head then went over to the table where the knife mark was thankfully in the middle. I looked around and placed a vase over the mark. Then I took a picture off one wall and placed it over the mark. "There. Never happened." I winked at Katniss. Effie was too clueless to look under there. She would never notice.

Good timing because right after, Effie's shrilly voice rang through the air. "Oh it's so good to see everyone getting along!" She clapped her hands. It was slightly comical how everyone rolled their eyes, yet Effie didn't notice. "We'll be approaching the Capitol in about twenty minutes!"

Twenty minutes…so soon. I think all of us in the room felt unprepared and nervous. I know I did, though I've been through this many times. I tried to find more words to add but couldn't find any. I looked at Peeta again and he was still avoiding my eyes. This wasn't normal, at all. Yesterday he'd been worried but today, it looked like he was hiding something from me. I hadn't the slightest clue what but I was about to find out.

Twenty minutes…oh! There was something I still needed to figure out. I needed to know why Peeta signed up for the tesserae and twenty minutes gave me just enough time.

"Peeta," I spoke his name but he purposely ignored me, pretending not to hear me. I took a step closer to him and so clearly the whole room could hear. "Peeta!" He sheepishly looked up and met my eyes. Now I knew something was up. Peeta never, ever ignored me unless he was trying to hide something or he was in trouble. "Can I speak with you privately?" I asked gently, trying to hint that everything would be ok.

He hesitated then nodded walked away quickly in the direction of my room. I sighed then looked at the rest of the group. "I'll be right back." I said then followed my brother.

It bothered me that he was trying to avoid me. What happened? What was going on? I could only hope that the mystery would soon be solved.

* * *

**Special thanks to HungerGamesLover, you're a sweetheart and I appreciate your reviews and support :D**


	8. 20 Minute Countdown

_Hey everyone! Thank you sooo much for being patient with me. I had a bad case of writer's block and got really busy with work. Not my best chapter but I hope it gets better! Thanks for your support!  
_

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I walk into my room to find Peeta sitting in a chair that's across from my bed. Two things tell me that something is really bothering him. One, he's avoiding eye contact and two, he's quiet, too quiet. I walk closer to him and sit down on the bed. "Hey." I greet quietly. He doesn't say a word. He's staring out the window, refusing to acknowledge me. I try a few more times and I know he hears me because he has excellent hearing, he's completely ignoring me. Finally, I get frustrated and stand up until I'm blocking his view. "You know you can pretend that I'm not here but it's not making me go away." He looks down at his hands, a downcast look on his face. I gently grab his hands and make him look into my eyes. My voice grows softer. "Peeta, I came in here to talk to you about something but I can tell that something completely different is on your mind that you're not telling me and it's bothering you." A small tear escapes from the corner of his eye and I squeeze his hand. "Whatever it is, you know you can tell me." I assure him.

He sighs heavily and his hands are shaking in mine, which is really beginning to worry me. Finally, he gains courage and whispers, "I can't do this."

Of course, I should've known this moment would come. It always does. "Peeta, I know it's hard and believe me, it's hell but you can get through this."

Peeta just shakes his head sadly. "Mel, you told us that we'd be given a choice after the end of our session." He looks down at his hands in mine. "I've made my decision." He whispers.

It hits me like a ton of bricks when I realize what he's saying. I'd seen it coming a mile away but it still knocked the breath out of me. Despite my thoughts to support him no matter what, I can't. "No," I whimper then look away.

He let's go of my hands and moves his to my face. "Mel, please try to-"  
"No!" I snap more harshly, refusing to accept his fate. "I won't let you. I won't let you give up so easily."

"I can't do it, Melanie!" He says just as louder and I flinch at the mention of him using my full name. "At least not for myself." He adds more quietly.

I give him a curious look. "What do you mean?"

He ponders this for a moment then looks away. Frustrated, I grab his face and force him to look at me. "I asked you a question."

There's a lot of pain in his eyes as he answers. "I can't take someone else's life, Mel. I can't _kill_."

"You don't really have a choice, Peeta."

"You always have a choice, Mel." He mumbles.

"You didn't leave me with one." I say harshly, making him flinch. "I did what I had to do. Do you think it was easy for me to kill innocent children? Do you think it was easy for me lure them in, acting as their ally and then have to poison them and watch them die in your arms? Do you think I wanted to do that? Do you think I wanted to face all those families after I was the one responsible for their deaths? I don't think so!" My voice is rising as the horrid memories come back. "But I had to! I had to because you needed me and when someone needs you; you do everything you can to get back to them, no matter how hard it is." Damn it, I didn't want to cry.

I'm so tired of crying but I can't help it. Peeta looks stressed and at a loss for words. I shouldn't have gone off like that. After a few minutes, I finally settle down. "I'm sorry." I whisper and with a heavy heart, I continue. "I know I gave you a choice and I don't blame you for your decision."

Peeta sighs then takes my hand in his. "I'm sorry for making you make that promise to me. If I'd known what it was going to be like for you when you got back, I would've never-"

"No, don't." I stop him by putting my hand up. "You were twelve, Peeta. You were scared and you needed me. You didn't fully understand. Neither of us did." I took a shaky breath. "But now we do."

Peeta looked troubled. I knew this is what this would come to but it's so much harder to face it. There was no denying that the best thing for my brother is to let him go. Death is easier than living through this, I knew this much and if I wanted the best for him like I said I did then…

It sucks trying to be brave through this and it hurts like hell. I don't want to do the right thing. It's selfish but it's how I truly feel. The thing is, Peeta isn't selfish and he will do the right thing no matter what it takes.

After a long, dramatic silence, Peeta finally speaks up. "Mel, I want you to know that I'm not giving up because I'm scared. I'll still train and try my best. But I'm not doing it for myself."

"You keep saying that but I still don't understand."

He looks down at his hands, a nervous habit he picked up from our father. "There's someone else here who needs to go home way more than I do and I…I want to help her."

My eyes snap open when I realize what he's saying. "Katniss?"

He confirms my thoughts with a slight nod. "She has to make it, Mel. She has to. Her family has no one else."

Now I see where he's coming from. It's all making sense now. "You want to go in to save her." I state. His eyes always answer me before his words do. I answer with my usual sigh. "You've always wanted to help her."

He nods slightly. "This will give us both the chance."

I rub the bridge of my nose. "Why do you always put me in such difficult situations?" I mumble.

Peeta leans forward slightly. "She needs this. You know she does." He pauses for a moment then continues. "I understand what Prim is going through. It's painful and frustrating having to watch your sibling go through the Games."

"I guess I'll find out soon enough." I whisper.

He winces but continues on. "Think about Katniss. I would've survived if you hadn't made it. Prim won't though. There's no way she'll survive without Katniss." It was a hard truth to accept but I knew he was right. "You know after your Games, you always told me to not let anyone or anything change me. I didn't really understand until now."

"It took one hell of a way for me to learn." I mumbled.

Peeta nodded in agreement. "I know. But Mel if you really believe that and if you really want the best for me, then you'll understand." He squeezed my hand in assurance. "This is what I want."

I knew his words were honest, sincere and selfless…something that I should be very proud of and I am but…his selfless actions come with a huge price. Yet, who am I to stand in his way? If he's going to die…then I couldn't imagine a better way to go. So I have nothing left to do but stand my ground and push my selfish emotions aside. "If this is what you really want, I won't stand in the way." I whisper.

Peeta's eyes shimmer with fresh tears. "I didn't come to this decision lightly. I fought, wrestled and tried to find a way around it but I can't."

Finally, I decided to face the truth and admit it. "No, you're right. I do understand how Katniss feels." I sighed heavily. "And that's why I'm not going to argue anymore."

Peeta gripped my hand a little harder. "Thank you." I only nod because I know my words will deceive me. "How much of a chance do you think she stands?"

I shrug. "I don't know." I reply shortly.

There's a thick tension between us. It's unnoticeable. Mostly it's because of me. Everything within me wants to be selfish and I hate that. I know Katniss has to win. I understand how important it is for her to come home. I understand exactly what she's going through right now. So why…why am I having such a hard time doing the right thing?

After a few moments, Peeta stands up and starts to say something but then gets distracted by something else. Slowly, he walks to the corner of the room and picks up my sketch pad that I'd thrown earlier. He looks down then winces at the morbid memory I'd drawn out. The sketch shakes in hand and I immediately regret not putting it in a secret place. He shakes his head, his eyes getting sadder by the moment. "I don't want to be here, Mel." He whispers.

"Then why on earth did you sign up for the tesserae?" I knew it was a harsh way to react but I couldn't help it. I had to know.

Shock takes the place of sadness in Peeta's eyes. "What do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean, Peeta." I say exasperated.

He's caught now and he knows it. "How did you find out?" He asks defeated.

I nodded towards the door. "Big Bird opened her beak."

Peeta sighs as he sits roughly on the bed. "You're not going to like what I'm about to tell you."

"It's alright, I can take it." I assure him.

He gives me a nervous glance. "Mother made me sign up." He admits quietly.

This was the last thing that I expected. Or maybe it wasn't… "What? Why?!" My voice raises, causing Peeta to flinch.

"We were low on supplies-"

"That's nonsense, Peeta and you know it!"

"We were kind of low, Mel." He says quietly.

"Then you should have said something! I would have taken care of it! That's one advantage of winning the Games, you and your family don't have to worry about that stuff anymore. What on earth possessed her to make you sign up? That stuff is cheap and nasty. It wasn't worth signing your life away!"

Peeta looks as confused and troubled as I do. "I don't know. We were in town and we saw the line for the tesserae. She told me we needed grain and oil then made me stand in line. I told her you'd help and that you would order anything we needed." He paused then closed his eyes. "She got mad then smacked me in front of all these people. I didn't say anything else."

Anger can't even come close to describing what I feel right now. I'm hurt and I know Peeta is to. Why? Why does she hate us so much that she would risk her child's life like that? It's wrong. It's sick. It's something I will never, ever understand. "Why didn't you tell me?" I whisper.

"I didn't tell anybody." He admits quietly.

"Why?" I'm shaking all over and tears are threatening my eyes. "I could've trained you earlier, Peeta. You could've at least stood some sort of a chance!"

"She threatened me, Mel and you know more than I do that she doesn't just say her threats." His words hold a complete different meaning and I have to fight hard to keep all the skeletons that are in my closet from getting out.

"I'm gonna kill her." I say, my voice trembling like crazy. "I'm never going to forgive her for this. Ever."

So she won after all. Her hate, pride, greed, it all won and it only cost my brother's life.

I can't stand to look at Peeta anymore right now. "I should've died when I had the chance." I whisper as I finally let my tears fall.

I feel strong arms around me and I know I can't escape them, so I don't even try. This was the worst thing that she could ever do to me. It's worse than almost freezing to death or being stabbed repeatedly. She just took away my best friend. That's the worst pain anyone could ever endure.

I lay in his arms sobbing quietly. I can't move. I can't think. I'm stunned by the pain. There are no words that will ever heal this wound and we both know that.

After some time passes, Peeta carefully releases me. "Melanie, listen to me, please. Don't let her win. Don't let her destroy you. You know she will if she gets the chance."

I shake my head in disagreement. "No, Peeta. It's done. She won."

Peeta brushes the lose hair that's fallen into my face. "Not yet, she hasn't." I meet his eyes, trying to understand. "She can throw me into the Games but she can't change me. What better way to show her she hasn't won than by helping Katniss come home?"

His words are filled with determination and wisdom and for the first time since this morning, I have peace about him wanting to lay down his life for a stranger. It sends a powerful message to not only our mother but to the Capitol.

No further words need to be said. We finally understand each other and know what to do. No more disagreements. No more misunderstanding. Just in time, too, for then the room grows dark and I know we're passing through the tunnel. Our 20 minutes is up.

I get up and take Peeta's hand and lead him back to the dining room where Haymitch, Effie and Katniss have stopped in midsentence.

"What's happening?" Katniss questions, which is then answered by the light flooding the room.

Peeta looks at me curiously then wanders over to the window and sees the place that I dread most.

"We're at the Capitol." I announce.

And the room falls into an eerie silence.

* * *

Special, special shout to HungerGameLover. Dank u! :) You rock, thank you so much for your inspiration and motivation. I appreciate you so much :)


	9. A Small Flame

_Hey everyone! Sorry it's taken so long to update this story but I've been soo busy :/ And I'm sorry I reposted this chapter for those who got a notification. I updated at 3am and I don't think many people read that early lol Anyways! I'm a little excited for this chapter. This chapter brings in a few loved and known characters, Mags and Finnick. You will only understand it if you read To Spark a Fire, which follows the story of a character I created, Amelia, who becomes an ally to Peeta and Katniss later on. But you'll begin to see how it connects as I update that story as well. There's only 2 chapters I believe so far but it will be updated soon :)_

_anyways, enjoy! thanks for reading!_

Our ride is over. Soon, we're pulling into the station where hundreds of people are straining to get a good at this year's tributes. Peeta's doing an awesome job at waving at the people and keeping them entertained, which Haymitch compliments. Katniss, however…she just looks a mixture between being disgusted and absolutely terrified all at the same time. I know from past experience and it is how I feel right now in this moment.

I walk up to her and try to offer her some encouragement. She looks at me a sort of defensive look. I don't take this personally though. I understand how it looks to her. "It's going to be alright, Katniss." I say to her, my words meaning more than she actually knows.

"How do you know?" She asks in a shaky voice.

"Trust me," is all I can say.

She narrows her eyes. "Why should I trust you?" she asks skeptically.

"Because I'm all you have." I reply quietly.

Katniss looks at me with a pained and confused expression. I know she's trying to figure me out. If only I could tell her Peeta's decision…but I can't. If I do, it'll put both of them in jeopardy. The last thing I need is to lose both of them. I could only hope that I'd be able to tell her the truth when all this was over.

There's no more time for reassurances right now though. We've come to a complete stop and the peacekeepers are ready to escort us to the elevator which will take Peeta and Katniss to their prep teams then on to their stylists.

"Oh, how exciting!" Effie shrills and I think everyone, including the peacekeepers are ready to knock her out. The tension in the air is thick and despite my efforts to tolerate her, her voice is the last thing I want to hear right now.

The doors swing open and everyone begins to move forward. Two peacekeepers in the front, who wait on each side of the doorway, Effie and Haymitch take the lead, Katniss staying slightly behind them, then Peeta, who hangs back a second to whisper in my ear.

"Mel, what are we going to do?" He asks with a fearful glance at Katniss then back to me.

"Let me talk to Haymitch first. We'll figure something out." I say in a quick whisper.

Peeta stares at me for a moment but then nods and we continue to follow the others onto the sidewalk of the Capitol.

My vision is flooded with colors that I can't stand. It's all one big mesh of bright, screaming, strange people who call after us. Peacekeepers struggle to keep them at bay. I hear my name being chanted, along with signs and flowers that are thrown at me. I ignore them all. I hate it. I hate them. I want nothing more than to quickly make it to the Remake Center. The prep teams will probably take about three hours before they move on to their stylists, which gives me time to talk to Cinna. Since Haymitch and I aren't as important as the tributes, we're only given light prep work which is done by Cinna and Portia. It takes about thirty minutes, if that, to do. It's good though, because I have so many things that I need to figure out and I'm going to need their help doing so.

Once inside, I'm able to breathe a little and we all stop in the middle of the marble floor as I fill Katniss and Peeta on what to expect. "As you both know, this is where you're going to be prepped for the Opening Ceremony. You're prep team will meet you at the top. You'll probably be in there for a couple of hours but whatever you do, don't resist them. Just listen and don't argue, no matter how ridiculous they may be. After you're fully prepped, you'll meet your stylists. Peeta, you'll most likely be with Portia and Katniss, you'll most likely be with Cinna. From there of course is the Opening Ceremony and after you'll be taken to the Training Center. I assure you that you're in good hands. Listen to everything they say. Understood?" They both nod in agreement. "Good. The rest of us will meet you at the Training Center and we'll take everything from there.

Once everything is covered, we arrive at a couple of elevators that are surrounded by tributes, mentors, escorts and peacekeepers. There's a lot of noise and excitement and I choose to stay away from it on the far corner.

Peeta stops then looks at me with curious eyes. "Are you ok?"

"Too many people." I answer. "I'll take one that's not so crowded."

It takes a few minutes to get everyone upstairs and I end up drifting off in my daydreams, which, once again proves to be a bad move because before I know it, everyone is gone besides a peacekeeper who's waiting on me.

"Miss Mellark, we really should be going up." He insists.

"Sorry," I mumble then go to press the button but I'm stopped by a familiar voice behind me.

"Well, well, if it isn't Melanie Mellark," the voice says my name and I recognize it and cringe. I turn around to see Finnick O'dair, the heart throb of the Capitol, followed by a group of people. I don't exactly dislike Finnick but I'm not friends with me him either. He annoys me more than anything. "Always one step behind, I see."

"Hello, Finnick," I greet casually. "I see you're late as usual."

"Well you know, they do save the best for last." He grins.

"Careful, one of these days you'll be late for your tanning." I tease. "Wouldn't want that, would you?"

He tries to flirt with me but to me, he just looks ridiculous. "You mean, _you _wouldn't want that." He wiggles his eyebrows at me. "Sorry to disappoint you but I haven't been tanning lately. Bad for the skin, you know?"

"Imagine that. Finally decide to for the full body everlasting tanning dye?" I ask sarcastically.

He puts on a shocked expression. "They do that?"

I roll my eyes at him, which causes him to laugh. Then he begins to circle me. "Ah Melanie, you haven't changed much. Still sexy as ever." He says seductively then smacks me on the butt, which takes me by surprise. I turn around in horror and shock. He gives me an amused smirk. I go to smack him in the face but he easily grabs my wrist and brings me closer until I'm inches away from his face. "And so feisty." He chuckles as I try to yank my wrist free. "You know, I can't wait to see the Games this year. I think it's going to be very…interesting."

I narrow my eyes at him and give him the meanest glare I can manage. "Let me go!" I demand but he holds me tighter.

"Didn't expect to see your brother here, that's for sure but I think it'll be more exciting. What kind of tricks do you have up your sleeves this year, Melanie? Is your brother going to walk in your footsteps? Is he going to turn into a coldblooded murderer as well?" He asks in a dangerously tense voice that's laced with a strange tint of sadness.

My anger and defenses kick in and before he has a chance to react, I punch Finnick as hard as I can on the side of his cheek. He jerks backwards, releasing my other wrist. "No, he's not." I say with strong determination. He rubs his cheek and winces from the pain. "I hope it hurts like hell." I say mercilessly. "Don't you ever bring up my brother again." I warn him.

Before he can say anything else, another familiar voice fills the room. "Finnick, I warned you not to go messing with that bear trap." I turned around and sure enough, it was Mags. A bit of my anger left me as she comes towards us. Mags is one of my favorite mentors from the other districts. She's an older lady with long grey hair and deep green eyes full of wisdom. We haven't spoken a lot to each other but it was enough to feel comfortable around her. She's like a grandmother to everyone, looking out and making sure they're ok.

She walks up to Finnick to examine his cheek. "Oh yep, that's going to leave a nice bruise." She pats him on the shoulder. "It's alright; I'll schedule a plastic surgery appointment immediately." She winks at me, earning a giggle.

"Thanks, Mags." He mumbles sarcastically, making her chuckle.

She turns to me. "Hello, darling." She says warmly and gives a welcoming light kiss on my cheek. "Nice shot." She smiles mischievously.

"Mags!" Finnick exclaims in a hurt voice.

"Don't you 'Mags!' me." she shakes a wrinkly hand at him. "You were warned. You got what was comin' to ya!"

I can't help but laugh as Finnick rolls his eyes then takes a few steps back, nursing his wounded feelings. I shake my head. Serves him right.

"Asshole." I mutter under my breath, which makes Mags chuckle and shake her head.

Mags turns her attention back to me. "How are you doing, honey? I mean, really doing?" She asks seriously.

I shrug. "It's rough." I confess quietly.

She gives me a sympathetic look. "I can't imagine the burden you're carrying right now."

"Yeah…" I wince, not wanting to bring up more painful events. I look to my left and notice two young people, most likely Mag's and Finnick's tributes. They're talking to her each other, trying to keep each other occupied while we talk. The boy is about fifteen, has black hair, big blue innocent eyes and has a slight accent I can't quite pinpoint. The girl is about seventeen or eighteen and without a doubt a strong Career. She has pretty hazel eyes, long brown hair, a warm smile and laugh that's strangely comforting. You can tell she's done her training though, her features show it. Yet other than that, she doesn't look threatening at all. But those are the ones who you have to be extra careful about...

"How's your tributes?" I ask curiously without taking my eyes off of them.

She gives a deep, sad sigh. "Liam and Amelia…both wonderful children. Liam has a wonderful attitude and sense of humor. He left behind his parents and two older brothers. Amelia is kind, honest and humble despite all her excellent training. She laid down her life to save a close friend of hers. Left behind her widowed mother and fiancé. Her fiancé's sister was the one she volunteered for. It was a very brave, noble and selfless act for her to do. She knew what she was getting herself into though. She doesn't want to come back."

I nod. "Neither does Peeta." I whisper.

Her eyes go moist. "Oh, honey." She whispers and squeezes my hand. "I'm sorry."

"He wants to help Katniss. She volunteered for her twelve year old sister. Her mom is also widowed. They're a poor family and Katniss has always been the main provider. They need her." I sigh. "I'm trying to let him go but it's hard."

"I know, dear. But Melanie, don't waste your last days with him moping around. Treasure that time. Honor him. Believe in him. What Peeta is doing is completely selfless and is demonstrating the most powerful demonstration of love there is. A love like that sticks with people and melts hearts of stone." A tear escapes her eye, as well as mine. "Be proud of him, Melanie and know that he's doing not only the right but the courageous thing as well."

I wipe a few tears from my eyes as I nod in agreement. "Thank you." I whisper.

She smiles warmly then gives me a strong hug. "We really need to move along, ladies." The peacekeepers inform.

We obey then follow them into the elevator. I hate elevators. I feel like I'm going to die any moment. But the girl from 4 gets my attention. "Hello, my name is Amelia." She greets politely, which I return and shake her hand. We exchange small talk until we reach our floor and I think we're done until she pulls me to the side. "I hope this doesn't seem strange considering I'm a tribute in the Games as well but I just wanted to say how sorry I am about your brother." I look up at her suddenly and pay attention to what she's saying. Her expression is sad. "I can't imagine what you're going through right now and I won't pretend that I know." She's struggling with her words but its not because she doesn't know what to say. It's because her voice is cracking. "I remember your Games and I know that you did everything you could to get back to him. I know now that it may seem like a total waste to be here after what happened today but try not to think that way. He's so lucky to have you right now. It's very lonely and scary going through this alone. " She looks down then back up with a small smile. "I don't know exactly why but I believe you survived your Games for even greater purposes than you realize. Live, Melanie. Don't give up your life unless it's for another."

She leaves quickly after that, not giving me a chance to say even a small thank you, running after Mags, Finnick and Liam as they go to meet their prep team. I'm left speechless and alone in the hallway and somehow, I eventually end up at Cinna's door. But I can't think about him right now. All I can think about is the brave girl, who didn't even know me, come up and give me encouragement. Definitely a first for me.

Who was she? I wonder. Who was she, really? I try to think of different possibilities but what does it matter? I do know what she was today for me, though.

A small but hopeful flame burning in my darkness.


End file.
